Summer TV shows

Dear ladies and gents,

as I have mentioned before, there isn’t much on at the moment. But that is about to change in a week or so when summer TV shows start airing. Down below you can find a list of some of the stuff I’ve found that *looks* interesting (looks being the operative word). I’ve used TVLine’s handy calendar to check the dates.

True Detective – returns June 21st. This season stars Colin Farrell, Rachel McAdams and Vince Vaughn. I am really curious how will the story unfold this season.

Hannibal – returns June 4th. Lord. It will be guts galore fo sure.

The Strain – returns July 12th. I forgot how effing gross the Strain is.

Royal Pains – returns June 2nd. Your summer dose of light and fluffy.

Murder in the First – returns June 10th. Murder in the First had a solid first season. The second season will deal with a new crime.

Orange Is the New Black – returns June 12th. Always solid. And I can already see sh*t all will get done that weekend.

The Last Ship – returns June 21st. I’d never thought I’d enjoy anything made by Michael Bay. But there you go. They had me at viral-infection-that-kills-almost-all-of-the-population.

New shows

Aquarius – aired already. Aquarius is produced by NBC and they have released all of the episodes at the same time. I saw the first two and it’s not bad?

The Whispers – premiere airs June 1st. It’s something about a paranormal force trying to take over the Earth by possessing kids? At least that’s how I got it. Could be great or it could disintegrate after a couple of episodes.

Sense8 – premieres June 5th on Netflix. So this was created and produced by Andy and Lana Wachowski and Michael Straczynski. Normally this would make me… pause? I mean – have you seen Jupiter Ascending? BUT. If we have learned anything at all this year is that Netflix does not produce sh*t. Also? SAYID!!!

Dark Matter – premieres June 12th. I realized I still haven’t found a replacement for BSG. So you know, I am game to give this a go.

Proof – premieres June 16th. Jennifer Beals stars as a doctor who is trying to find a proof whether there is life after death.

Killjoys – premieres June 19th. It’s about space bounty hunters you guys. Space bounty hunters! The only problem is it’s been a long (looong) while since anything made by SyFy grabbed me.

The Brink – premieres June 21st. Jack Black and Tim Robbins. That alone will make me check it out.

Mr. Robot - premieres June 24th. New summer show by the USA Network. The pilot is available for streaming already and it’s in my queue. Don’t know what to tell you to be honest – this looks interesting. But then on the other hand – I know USA Network is trying to be all edgy and sh*t, I’m just no certain it’s working.

Do let me know if I have missed anything interesting.

U2 busking in NYC Subway with Jimmy Fallon

Dear ladies and gents,

have you seen the video of U2 busking in the New York subway?

I’ve embedded the video for you below.

So.

Have you noticed anything? Anything that all?

Like the fact almost every single person on that platform is watching Ufreaking2 sing live through their mobile phone?

Iseriouslycannoteven.

U2 are one of the biggest bands on the planet. We can argue and disagree on many things. That they might be past it, their new stuff is not as great as their old stuff, Bono might have some w*nker-ish tendencies, whatever. But they are one of the biggest bands on the planet. Still.

I have a Facebook account. And a Twitter account. And I get the impulse to plaster a picture with Bono all over your social media, because that one “friend” you can’t stand might see it.* Bishes please! I’m not above it, is all I’m saying.

But take one picture and then put away your damn phone. Enjoy Ufreaking2 perform for you for free. Like Bono is RIGHT THERE mere meters away from you. Look at with your own eyes. And not through a freaking phone.

Jesus Christ!

So.

I have concluded two things.

a) I’m obviously old cos stuff like this annoys me.
b) We have collectively turned into a bunch of a**holes.

*On a side note – we all might do well to remember not to match our insides with everybody else’s outsides.

Fresh Off the Boat

What it is labeled as: A sitcom. It is based on the memoirs written by Eddie Huang. Huang’s family moved from DC to Orlando, Florida where his dad managed a number of restaurants in the 1990s. While Eddie’s dad is all about the American dream, the rest of the family has a bit of trouble adjusting to their neighborhood (apart from Emery. Emery is adjusting surprisingly well, as his mum puts it).

What I like to call it: A good sitcom.

Reasons to watch: All the cast! I like all of them, although if I HAD to pick a favorite it would be Constance Wu.

Why it shows promise: a) It’s funny, I mean some scenes made me snort out loud. b) Did you know that this is the second EVER Asian American sitcom? (first being Margaret Cho’s All-American Girl)

Freaking Hollywood, behind the times as ever.

The down side: I thought it was funny. It is not super funny just yet. But then again that is the case with most sitcoms, it takes a while to get into that groove. So yes I was snorting and sh*t and then I looked the show up and read this article written by Huang. So now I’m what the what?! It’s network television, they are going to water stuff down, that’s kinda what they do. I’ve read Kuhn and remember (a little) about paradigm shift and whathaveyou. But am I out of touch? And offending anyone by laughing?

Has anyone seen Fresh Off the Boat? How did you like it?

A definitive list of things I learned watching Parks and Recreation

  • Calzones make no sense. They are pizzas that are harder to eat.
  • How do you know that the racoon problem is under control? They have their part of town. Also in Pawnee they are not nocturnal but 24/7 and they hunt kids for sport.
  • It’s not called crying, ok? It’s called being allergic to jerks.
  • The scale for being pissed off? One to Chris Brown.
  • Ideal man according to Leslie Knope? George Clooney’s brains in Joe Biden’s body.
  • Jerry will jump into a creek for a burrito. Also he has the biggest penis ever.
  • Crying – only allowed at funerals and the Grand Canyon.
  • Fishing – only for sport, not for meat. Because fish meat is practically a vegetable.
  • Also fishing? It’s like yoga but you still get to kill something.
  • Two things to know about white people – they like Matchbox Twenty. And they are terrified of curses.
  • How to burn your ex-wife’s effigy? Dip it in paraffin wax and then toss a flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol at it. From a SAFE distance. That cannot be stressed enough.
  • Dictionary of food stuff according to Tom:

‘Zerts = desserts
Tray-trays = entrees
Sammies, sandoozles, or Adam Sandlers = sandwiches
Big ol’ cookies = cakes
Long ass rice = noodles
Fri-fri chicky-chick = fried chicken
Chicky chicky parm parm = chicken parm
Chicky catch = chicken cacciatore
Pre-birds/future birds = eggs
Super water = root beer
Bean blankies = tortillas
Food rakes = forks

  • It’s pointless for humans to paint scenes of nature when you can just go outside and stand in it.
  • Snake Juice = rat’s poison
  • Jogging is the worst. It keeps you healthy, but at what cost?
  • Li’l Sebastian is a mini horse. Not a pony.
  • Acupuncture is great for your back and your rear – needles in your face, pleasure in yo’ base.
  • So Treat Yo’ Self, yes? It’s one day of the year you treat yourself to whatever you might fancy. So for some it means spa and massages and cashmere and whathaveyou. For others it means Batman costume.
  • Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.
  • Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat.
  • Skim milk is water lying about being milk.
  • Buckingham Palace is not Hogwarts.
  • When someone says they are going back to the office, it sometimes means they are going back to their tent in a pit.
  • Hardest thing about living in the pit? Keeping your suit pressed.
  • Also? The pit works in mysterious ways.
  • A thing? Ovaries before brovaries and hoes before bros.
  • You can ignore a hernia. And ignore it successfully. But you would do well to avoid sneezing.
  • Weed can be confused with tops of carrots.
  • If you are mum’s name is Tammy? And both of your ex-wives are called Tammy? Dude, you might have a problem.
  • The key to volunteering? Lots of pockets to put the food in.
  • Did you know you can hire a fake mum on craigslist?
  • Sewage gets the hottest interns.
  • For safety reasons it is not allowed to make puns about the meat temperatures anymore.
  • Shoeshine head? It’s a thing.
  • Pawnee’s cable access does not have hair and make up. They have a communal lipstick and a box of combs.
  • The expression is – the show must go wrong. And you just have to deal with it.
  • Public forum = crackpot convention.
  • WTF is a German muffin?
  • There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.
  • On that note and something I’ve learned in RL rather than from Parks and Rec – whipped cream, yes? Stuff that comes in a can? Blech! Don’t half-ass it, get the real thing!

Damn. I’m going to miss this show.