Summer TV confessions of a tetchy cow

Dear ladies and gents,

last week we had a bit of a heatwave going on. Most of Europe did. We got a few days of respite where it was blessedly cool in the mornings and evenings. And even though today it was raining, another heatwave is predicted for this week (am slightly obsessed with both of the weather apps on my phone).

I do not do well in warm weather. At all. I do not understand why British people complain about theirs. MOAR RAIN PLEASE!

Can’t eat, can’t function properly, can do sh*t all apart from the bare minimum. 37°C (98.6F for our American friends) does that to me.

tl; dr

I am currently a tetchy cow, so bare that in mind.

OMG. WTF with the True Detective? I was all like True Detective started – YAY something to watch! And it’s been utter rubbish. I case you haven’t gotten round to it yet let me tell you – you aren’t missing anything. Because nothing happens. At all. I don’t understand what is the point of having this freaking great cast. And have them do nothing. But just kinda spout rubbish I could have written.

So at this point a normal person, a smart person, would just give up on TV altogether. To be fair, I have been reading loads more. But then I get annoyed at how the book ends (that’s another story altogether).

But no. Noooooooo.

I did what any not-sane person would do. I switched over to Hannibal.

Which is… I normally like Hannibal. But omg (OMG!) what is it with the freaking water/blood/whatever dripping? And it’s not only occasionally, it all. the. freaking. time. Also snails? I mean by the time they crawl to whatever the hell they are going I want to tear my hair out. Also – da f*ck with kaleidoscopic scenes?

Can I be frank?

I will be frank with you.

I don’t have an effing clue what the hell is going on. There it is, my secret is out.

Most of the time I’m just

I will tell you this much though. The fight between Jack and Hannibal? A thing of beauty.

And you know, a fight is well and good. But Jack could have saved himself a whole lot of trouble if he did one thing. Just one thing.

Threatened Hannibal with some refined sugar. That would have him running for the hills. Or curling up in a fetal position.

That’s where I’m at ladies and gents.

I will be on the balcony. Cooling off my feet and armpits respectively.

In the movies

Dear ladies and gents,

over the last 2 weeks I have managed to see two movies. Short reviews of both below.

Spy

I like Melissa McCarthy a lot. Loved her in Bridesmaids, loved her in St. Vincent, LOVED the Heat. Identity Theft? Tammy? Not so much.

I saw the trailer for Spy and I laughed a lot. And I have to say, it doesn’t disappoint. Comedy in my opinion is one of the hardest things to get right. What tickles me might not tickle anyone else. And vice versa. For example – Hangover (and all the subsequent installments)? I don’t think I laughed once. I just couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. The worldwide gross? $467 million. So what do I know?

But Spy is funny. Hilariously funny. Laugh yourself into a belly ache funny. And everyone involved was bloody brilliant – Melissa McCarthy, Rose Bryne, Miranda Hart, Allison Janney. Although to be fair – I knew these ladies can do good comedy. Jason Statham on the other hand? Didn’t have a clue he could be funny. But there you go. Also Jude Law was in it? It should tell you something about the level of performance here when Jude Law was more a blip on the screen. I was all like – oh hey Jude Law you are in this too whatever. And Jude Law is not a bad actor. So if you need cheering up or if you want to treat your mum to a good movie she might enjoy or if you want a break from all the lets-blow-up-everything-to-bits blockbusters, Spy is your movie.

Which brings me to…

Jurassic World

I feel I need to preface this by saying a few things:

- I really love Chris Pratt, I think he is funny and I’m delighted he has 3 huge hits under his belt.
- I am aware that Jurassic World is a monster of a movie worldwide (all pun intended).
- I really love Jurassic Park.

All that said – I disliked Jurassic World. I didn’t hate it, I just thought it was meh. To a point where I kinda actively wished that dinosaurs ate all the humans because omg-what-the-effing-f*ck-where-the-effing-humans-thinking? I’m sure it makes more sense in my head.

The jokes were lame. So lame. I was side-eyeing that sh*t so hard. But there was a bunch of “bros” sitting in the cinema in front of us who were laughing uproariously throughout the movie. Hardest of all I might add when Bryce Dallas Howard was running around in heels (which… UGH don’t even get me started on that damsel in distress sh*t).

One of bros is a movie critic (!!!) So surely (surely!!!) he saw the first movie. Surely he realized it was far superior to this one. Alas. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy it as the bros in front of me. Then I got home, googled some reviews and obvs I’m in the minority here.

Jurassic World is a summer blockbuster. Or rather the blockbuster of this summer. But in my opinion it lacks all the oomph the original movie had. Also? Lame. And I freaking love dinosaurs.

But what do I know.

I have since then re-watched Jurassic Park. And it’s still awesome.

The Martian trailer

Dear ladies and gents,

have you read Andy Weir’s The Martian? I freaking loved that book.

It’s about Mark Watney, an astronaut who is presumed dead after a mission on Mars goes to sh*t. After a storm hits, his team members run for their lives and being they journey back to Earth thinking that Mark is dead. Only he is not. He is stranded on Mars with minimal supplies and now he has an ultimate make-it-work moment in order to survive.

And he really makes it work. Also it’s a freaking funny book (yes, you’d never think a tale of survival would be so funny).

At any rate, it’s a great book. BUT… as I’ve read it, I kept thinking how can they possibly turn it into a movie?

Ridley Scott did. Which. Hm have you seen Prometheus? The first hour was so bloody good. And then it was not.

But this looks dare I say it – promising?

Sense8 – first impressions

Dear ladies and gents,

Sense8 is available for streaming on Netflix.

Sense8 is about eight people scattered all over the globe who all of a sudden realize they communicate with each other mentally. Obvs this is a super simple summary of the storyline, things do get more complicated. But this is the jist. The series was created by Andy and Lana Wachowski and J. Michael Straczynski.

I mentioned the series briefly in my summer TV shows post.

What I don’t like:

- it’s slow. At times painfully slow. The first two episodes were a freaking slog. Sh*t all happened. But then again that’s my problem with a lot of HBO/Showtime/Netflix shows. They have the time to tell the story at their own pace. Sometimes it works (see Daredevil). And sometimes it drives me bloody mad (see Bloodline). I haven’t been driven mad as of yet.

- I was a bit worried this will turn into a Tim Kring show? You know there are all this characters and they are somehow all connected together and it makes sense for a few episodes and then it just sort of… disintegrates? That didn’t happened either.

- I am iffy on some of the concepts. I’ll preface this by saying I am biased. I saw Jupiter Ascending and was doing this for the most of the movie:

But I wanted to give this one a go. Let me give you an example without giving too much away. In the pilot Daryl Hannah gives birth to these sensates. Not like proper birth, more hm metaphysical one? So my mind immediately went to Plato and this giving-birth-to-an-idea thing? But then I was like surely (SURELY) this would be too complicated and too fancy of a concept for a TV show? Or maybe I’m just being a horrible snob? At any rate – yes, am a bit iffy on some of the concepts that crop up later on as well.

- also I expected much more freaking out over the whole I-can-mind-talk-to-people-on-the-other-side-of-the-globe thing. That and I bloody well do hope there will a pay off in the end. But that’s just me being a persnickety bish.

ALL of that said – I do like it. My mind wasn’t blown, but it’s good enough/engaging enough that I keep watching. I love that the series takes you all over the globe and that it features a truly diverse cast.

So tell me ladies and gents, has anyone seen Sense8? Any initial thoughts?