What the what USA Network?!

USA Network does one thing well. And when I say well I mean REALLY well. Light, fun, frothy summer shows. Noone does them better than USA Network.

White Collar, Royal Pains, Suits, the now defunct Necessary Roughness, Monk and Psych, you get the gist. This is/was USA Network’s bread and butter.

Take pretty people, put them in nice clothes and gorgeous looking locations (with some to die for set design) and presto – you have a hit on your hands.

That’s why I don’t understand what the what they are trying to do with the new slew of shows.

For example – there is Graceland. Which I think was USA Network’s first foray into gritty cop show territory?

I know Graceland got renewed and all but as far as I’m concerned – gritty it ain’t

I watched their latest show Rush? Me thinks they wanted to go for House/Royal Pains hybrid of some sort?

Will Rush is a doctor to the LA’s rich and famous. People do stupid sh*t, people need to think of their image, people call Rush, pay cash and get treated, no questions asked.

The only problem being a) the main character is an arsehole and b) Tom Ellis the guy who plays him? He might be a good actor, but Hugh Laurie he ain’t. It takes serious skill to make me care about an arsehole is all I’m saying.

Satisfaction

Another new show Satisfaction is about a couple who have been married for a while. And then the husband finds out the wife is cheating on him. With an escort. Because she doesn’t feel appreciated enough? Be as it may – this one seems to look promising, but light and frothy it is not (also I *know* I’m a crusty b*sh but it kinda reeks of #firstworldproblems?)

tl; dr

If USA Network is going for edgy, dark and twisty I don’t think these two shows will cut it. They are kinda dark, but not all that deep?

And besides – what is wrong with light and frothy and fun? We all need more of that in our lives (says she after watching the Strain yesterday and dreaming about freaking worms all night (facepalm)

The Strain – grosser than Fringe?

Dear ladies and gents,

so the Strain? I think it might be even grosser than Fringe. Super and I mean SUPER gross. Even the poster was so gross Fox had to pull a number of billboards because people were complaining.

Because I’m nothing if not service-y here is how the poster looks like

:

I told you – SUPER gross!

But… BUT… for what it is – a vampire/horror drama – I have to say I enjoyed it.

It is based on the horror novel written by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan (part of a trilogy that also includes The Fall and The Night Eternal). A plane from Berlin lands at JFK airport with 200 people on board. 4 survivors. The rest are all dead. All doors sealed, all lights off. Dr. Ephraim Goodweather (played by Corey Stoll) from CDC is allowed to go in first.

And from there on out, sh*t starts hitting the fan.

This is no sparkly vampire sh*t. This is proper, albeit at times a bit cheesy, horror. And it will not be to everyone’s taste. But if you enjoy being grossed out and creeped out, if vampires are your thing, do give it a go.

Things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses

Dear ladies and gents,

I have mentioned this before, but I grew up on a steady diet of British comedy. If there ever was a comedy that ruled them all it was Only Fools and Horses. If you haven’t watched it, all I can say – you lucky, lucky devil you. And what are you waiting for? It is so funny, you’ll bust your spleen laughing. And even though the first episode ever aired in 1981, all these years later, the show is still relevant.

Down below is the list of things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses. It is by no means a definitive list, so feel free to share your contributions in the comments.

  • he who dares wins. You know, eventually.
  • in case you were wondering – any and all French phrases Del Boy is using? Wrong.
  • did you know that they have moved the bit on the side? Well there you go. And neither did Rodney.
  • rule of thumb before you go to a nightclub – it might look good on the outside, but that’s what the Christians said of the Colosseum.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t smoke astroturf.
  • Del Boy’s and Rodney’s mum said a lot (A LOT) on her deathbed.
  • it is possible to give your arse a headache. Also to sit down and keep your brains warm.
  • Trigger’s dad died a couple of years before he was born. Yes, took me a second too.
  • it is possible to have a black belt in origami. That one took me a second.
  • there is a karaoke version of Mozart’s Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
  • alternatives to the sentence “during the war” – “during the 1939 – 1945 conflict with Germany”
  • Rodney’s trouble is he insists on thinking.
  • it might not be the best idea to sell Trigger a computer. He is still struggling with the light switches.
  • if you might by chance sink a aircraft carrier, make sure to have your excuse ready. Like that the said aircraft carrier was at battle stations and had no lights on. Obvs if the incident happens in broad daylight, you are kinda screwed. So yes, it is possible to miss 42 thousand tons of steel. In broad daylight. Because you aren’t close enough.
  • mark of a good salesman – you can sell a black cat to a witch.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t get the Dukes of Hazzard on a microwave oven.
  • it’s Spanner Ballet and Duram Duram. Well who bloody knew?
  • if you are wanted by the authority and you go on the run, make sure to bring a tin opener with you. Because desperate men on the run do not pop home to borrow the tin opener.
  • how to know if your overcoat is made out of genuine camel hair? It will have a big lump in the back.
  • the only hole Uncle Albert hasn’t fallen in is the black hole of Calcutta.
  • wally, plonker, pranny, git, dipstick – all terms of endearment really.
  • Rodney would never make it as a prostitute. He can’t give it away, let alone flog it.

2 new autumn shows that seem interesting

Dear ladies and gents,

I have been half hardheartedly checking out some trailers for the upcoming autumn shows. Obvs I am not even bothering with sitcoms.

The only two shows (yes, TWO!) that have peaked my interest are How to Get Away with Murder and Gotham.

Shonda Rhimes owns the Thursday nights in the States. But you can’t begrudge her, the lady allegedly writes 60 pages of script each week (the mere thought would make many weep). So this is a lady who works. And works hard. (on a side note – if you haven’t seen her Dartmouth commencement address, check it out here, it is well worth your time).

How to Get Away with Murder is the latest addition to the Thursday night slot and it stars Viola Davies as a law professor at a prestigious Philadelphia university who gets entangled with four of her students in some type of a murder situation? tl; dr it looks promising? Also Viola Davis!

Also Gotham? And for no other reason but that it is a Batman origins story.

So has anyone seen any new autumn show previews that look promising?