Fall TV shows

Dear ladies and gents,

in the interest of science (not really, I just had some spare time) I checked all of the trailers for all of the new shows that are due to air in September and October.

Remember way, waaay back when Fringe premiered? I was like

Sadly there was no similar reaction this time around. I did see a trailer for a Dallas rip off (Blood and Oil), 2 shows based on movies (the Minority Report and Limitless), a Dexter rip off (Wicked City) and honestly just a bunch of lackluster stuff. Given it’s kinda hard to judge anything based on the trailer alone. And any one of these might be a sleeper hit. So here is some stuff that kinda looked interesting? Please do let me know if there is anything you are terribly excited about that I might have missed.

Life In Pieces

This one gives me Parenthood vibes, but it seems heavier on the comedy rather than drama.


This seems like a cross between dunno Memento and the Whispers? It must be all the tattoos.


I *think* this is suppose to be an alternative to Castle/Bones? A police procedural with some romance thrown in?

The Player

Based on the trailer alone… well, meh. This is suppose to be another big hit for NBC (like Blacklist was/is). Hm, have they seen Chosen? This is kinda the same thing only with higher production values.


Ok this seems like it might be funny? And John Stamos because obvs I watched the Full House way back in the day. On the side note – how is it possible he still looks exactly the same all these years later? Plastic surgery? A magnificent skincare routine? Or there is a picture in the attic somewhere that reveals his true aging self? Lord knows but I do know I don’t understand it.

The Grinder

Another new TV show that looks like it might be funny. Another reason to watch? Rob Lowe (LITERALLY) and Fred Savage.


Based on the trailer alone and if I had to guess, if there is one show that might be a Blacklist contender (although Blacklist has James Spader so it’s kinda futile to compete with that) than it is Quantico. It seems hm interesting? But again as I mentioned above, it’s not like there is tons of exciting stuff.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Dear ladies and gents,

earlier this year when I was in the UK we went for a meal at Marks and Spencer. I had their chicken and leek pie with mashed potatoes and gravy. I freaking love that pie. Had it before, enjoyed it immensely, no problem whatsoever. But that day for whatever reason it turned me into a bloated mess.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. is a bloated convulsed mess. What a freaking disappointment.

The cast was… well.

The only one who showed some personality (and some, you know, acting skills) was Armie Hammer. The rest not so much. I saw Alicia Vikander in Ex Machina and she was fine there. Here however… Pardon me, I’m not an actress and don’t know a first thing about acting. But you would *think* it would be one of the requirements to pick an accent and stick with it for the duration of the movie? Her accent was all over the place.

Henry Cavill is a good looking man. Too good looking in fact. Like a cardboard cut out? Does that make sense? And I’m sure he is a nice man (like anyone who plays WoW can’t be THAT bad), but he lacks… personality? Charisma? Something. Sure, he is nice to look at, but I don’t think that is enough. Think about Tim Roth for example. Not the best looking guy in the world. But he has that something and I’ll watch the sh*t out of any movie Tim Roth stars in. Or if we are drawing a “pretty” comparison – Matt Bomer. That man is so pretty he probably farts unicorns and angel dust. But he brings something to every single thing I have seen him in. He would have been perfect for the part. He DID this part in White Collar.

Which brings me to the main problem. Guy Ritchie. Who co-wrote the script with Lionel Wigram. And directed the movie. Now I freaking queued at midnight for a Guy Ritchie movie (Snatch in case you were wondering). And I loved it. So I’m all about Guy Ritchie. So wtf was this?

Some bits of the story made no sense whatsoever. When you combine that with the fact the movie was too long (at least 30 minutes too long and I’m being generous here)… well. It was long and bloated and made no sense.

The movie was pretty to look at, I’ll give Guy Ritchie that. Just like Henry Cavill. But that doesn’t mean that is enough.

tl; dr

If you want to watch a funny spy flick see Spy or Kingsman: The Secret Service.

Summer TV confessions of a tetchy cow

Dear ladies and gents,

last week we had a bit of a heatwave going on. Most of Europe did. We got a few days of respite where it was blessedly cool in the mornings and evenings. And even though today it was raining, another heatwave is predicted for this week (am slightly obsessed with both of the weather apps on my phone).

I do not do well in warm weather. At all. I do not understand why British people complain about theirs. MOAR RAIN PLEASE!

Can’t eat, can’t function properly, can do sh*t all apart from the bare minimum. 37°C (98.6F for our American friends) does that to me.

tl; dr

I am currently a tetchy cow, so bare that in mind.

OMG. WTF with the True Detective? I was all like True Detective started – YAY something to watch! And it’s been utter rubbish. I case you haven’t gotten round to it yet let me tell you – you aren’t missing anything. Because nothing happens. At all. I don’t understand what is the point of having this freaking great cast. And have them do nothing. But just kinda spout rubbish I could have written.

So at this point a normal person, a smart person, would just give up on TV altogether. To be fair, I have been reading loads more. But then I get annoyed at how the book ends (that’s another story altogether).

But no. Noooooooo.

I did what any not-sane person would do. I switched over to Hannibal.

Which is… I normally like Hannibal. But omg (OMG!) what is it with the freaking water/blood/whatever dripping? And it’s not only occasionally, it all. the. freaking. time. Also snails? I mean by the time they crawl to whatever the hell they are going I want to tear my hair out. Also – da f*ck with kaleidoscopic scenes?

Can I be frank?

I will be frank with you.

I don’t have an effing clue what the hell is going on. There it is, my secret is out.

Most of the time I’m just

I will tell you this much though. The fight between Jack and Hannibal? A thing of beauty.

And you know, a fight is well and good. But Jack could have saved himself a whole lot of trouble if he did one thing. Just one thing.

Threatened Hannibal with some refined sugar. That would have him running for the hills. Or curling up in a fetal position.

That’s where I’m at ladies and gents.

I will be on the balcony. Cooling off my feet and armpits respectively.

In the movies

Dear ladies and gents,

over the last 2 weeks I have managed to see two movies. Short reviews of both below.


I like Melissa McCarthy a lot. Loved her in Bridesmaids, loved her in St. Vincent, LOVED the Heat. Identity Theft? Tammy? Not so much.

I saw the trailer for Spy and I laughed a lot. And I have to say, it doesn’t disappoint. Comedy in my opinion is one of the hardest things to get right. What tickles me might not tickle anyone else. And vice versa. For example – Hangover (and all the subsequent installments)? I don’t think I laughed once. I just couldn’t understand what the fuss was about. The worldwide gross? $467 million. So what do I know?

But Spy is funny. Hilariously funny. Laugh yourself into a belly ache funny. And everyone involved was bloody brilliant – Melissa McCarthy, Rose Bryne, Miranda Hart, Allison Janney. Although to be fair – I knew these ladies can do good comedy. Jason Statham on the other hand? Didn’t have a clue he could be funny. But there you go. Also Jude Law was in it? It should tell you something about the level of performance here when Jude Law was more a blip on the screen. I was all like – oh hey Jude Law you are in this too whatever. And Jude Law is not a bad actor. So if you need cheering up or if you want to treat your mum to a good movie she might enjoy or if you want a break from all the lets-blow-up-everything-to-bits blockbusters, Spy is your movie.

Which brings me to…

Jurassic World

I feel I need to preface this by saying a few things:

- I really love Chris Pratt, I think he is funny and I’m delighted he has 3 huge hits under his belt.
- I am aware that Jurassic World is a monster of a movie worldwide (all pun intended).
- I really love Jurassic Park.

All that said – I disliked Jurassic World. I didn’t hate it, I just thought it was meh. To a point where I kinda actively wished that dinosaurs ate all the humans because omg-what-the-effing-f*ck-where-the-effing-humans-thinking? I’m sure it makes more sense in my head.

The jokes were lame. So lame. I was side-eyeing that sh*t so hard. But there was a bunch of “bros” sitting in the cinema in front of us who were laughing uproariously throughout the movie. Hardest of all I might add when Bryce Dallas Howard was running around in heels (which… UGH don’t even get me started on that damsel in distress sh*t).

One of bros is a movie critic (!!!) So surely (surely!!!) he saw the first movie. Surely he realized it was far superior to this one. Alas. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy it as the bros in front of me. Then I got home, googled some reviews and obvs I’m in the minority here.

Jurassic World is a summer blockbuster. Or rather the blockbuster of this summer. But in my opinion it lacks all the oomph the original movie had. Also? Lame. And I freaking love dinosaurs.

But what do I know.

I have since then re-watched Jurassic Park. And it’s still awesome.