Batman vs Superman

So.

Marvel vs DC Comics? We’ve established I don’t have a dog in that fight. In fact, I grew up watching Superman. And Nolan’s Batman was my jam. I will also probably see every single Marvel movie when it hits the theaters. Because they are so bloody fun.

Anyway.

When the trailer for Batman vs Superman was leaked online I was like – oh goodie, let’s see, let’s see! (insert jumpy claps) Man of Steel was hm ok-ish? I mean, if they cut short that battle scene that lasted forfreakingever, it would have been a great movie. Just my opinion, ok?

And they had me. They had me. Come on – Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely? And then that shot of Superman’s statue? With False God graffitied all over his chest? Please, that’s some great sh*t. Sure, dark and depressing sh*t, but great sh*t.

Then two things happened.

Ben Affleck got out of the batmobile.

I mean… what the what with that chest? No, seriously? But let’s call that a personal preference what with me a being a shallow, superficial bish and move on. I’m sure Ben Affleck worked very hard on his chest.

Then the second thing happened.

“Tell me, do you bleed? You will.”

And some of this for a good measure.

Come on. COME ON!

What is that?

Unless the follow up is that Superman blows a big fat raspberry and tells Batman he can shove his bat doodahs where the sun don’t shine because he is freaking Superman and them things can’t hurt him…

and yes, I’m not holding my breath that will happen…

WHAT is that?

Lord.

Kingsman

Dear ladies and gents,

have you ever played No One Lives Forever? If you haven’t, lord you have missed out! No One Lives Forever 2: A Spy in H.A.R.M.’s Way is one of my favorite games of all time (in fact I just might have to re-play it again soon). It’s about a kick ass spy Cate Archer. She works for UNITY, a secret organization out of UK who fights baddies who all are about twirling their mustache and world dominance (kinda like this guy). It’s part first person shooter, part stealth game, it’s funny, it’s smart and just a great game.*

Why am I withering on about some game?

Please bare with me, there is (some) method to my madness. Over the weekend I finally saw Kingsman (the full title is Kingsman: The Secret Service, but you know – ain’t nobody got time to type that out every.single.time.)

And Kingsman reminded me of No One Lives Forever.

Why, you might ask? Because it was balls out fun. I can’t remember the last time I watched such a fun movie in cinema. Maybe Avengers? But only maybe.

Kingsman is based on a comic book written by Dave Gibbons and Mark Millar and it’s about this secret organization that does stealth missions all over the world. Their front? A Savile Row’s tailor. Their agents? Highly skilled, really funny and oh so very dapper.

Kingsman is a perfect combination of action, fun, violence, old school gadgets, cute pups and all sorts of shenanigans.

If I knew that much they’d probably get my money. But when the movie includes the likes of Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Michael Caine, Samuel L. Jackson… well. Also starring? Taron Egerton. For the life of me I couldn’t place him immediately and then it came to – the Smoke! (it took me a while because he was sporting a shaved head in the Smoke).

Anyhow yes – Kingsman. Definitely give it a watch.

* On a side note – UGH!

The Company of Wolves (1984) – a Review

Note: This is an old post from a couple of years ago I did for my friend. As I’m quite satisfied with it, I decided to post it here as well.

Thanks to the “Harry Potter” and “Lord of the Rings” movie franchises, there’s been a resurgence of the fantasy genre in film over the past decade or so. Among them emerged a distinct subgenre telling darker, edgier versions of well-known fairy tales. Just this year we had “Oz the Great and Powerful”, “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Jack the Giant Killer”. Last time these darker fantasy films were this popular was in mid-1980s and recently I saw one of them: Neil Jordan’s “The Company of Wolves”. Jordan has, throughout his career, made quite a few films dealing with strange and supernatural: beside this one, he also made “Interview With a Vampire”, “Ondine”, “High Spirits” and recently released “Byzantium”.

“The Company of Wolves” turned out to be smarter and more challenging then I’ve expected which was refreshing as similar movies today are mostly formulaic cash-ins that substitute cynicism and action for maturity. Based upon a story by Angela Carter, this modern re-imagining of Red Riding Hood fairy-tale has interestingly convoluted structure: it is a series of stories told by characters existing within a nightmare of a present day teenage girl (Sarah Patterson, who also plays Red Riding Hood). Now, telling stories set in dreams does allow for more fantastic elements to come into play without a need to explain them but it also tempts the storyteller into using the crusty old cliché of “it was all just a dream” as a way of ending the plot. Thankfully, “The Company of Wolves” actually resolves the story before the dream ends.

Within her dream, teenage girl – called Rosaleen – lives in a village surrounded by forest. Exact time and place of the story are uncertain. The forest is dark, fecund and obviously built on a sound stage but this increases our suspension of disbelief instead of lowering it: we’re seeing a kind of forest that a child might imagine. Dreamlike imagery abounds: there are white rabbits, giant mushrooms and snakes crawling everywhere. Through this surreal landscape, Rosaleen’s sister is pursued and killed by wolves who prey upon the villagers and their livestock. Afterwards, Granny (played by Angela Lansbury from “Manchurian Candidate” and what an inspired choice she is!) warns her remaining granddaughter to never stray from the path in the forest, never eat a windfall fruit and never trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle.

You see, there are two kinds of wolves: those with the hair on the outside and those with the hair on the inside. This other kind is more dangerous: they lurk within forest and hide their beastly self from girls such as Rosaleen while they lure them away from the path. Granny tells a story about an unfortunate woman whose new husband, “a travelling man” turned out to be one such beast. This and her other tales show us that, for a kindly old lady, Granny sure has a morbid hate towards men and women who indulge them. This might explain why she lives alone in the middle of the forest. Also, this film is not really about wolves, is it?

“The Company of Wolves” is made out of stories that characters use to teach and explain their world to each other. Even a hunter staking a wolf has time to tell a short story. It’s a wonderful and appropriate way to portray characters in a fairy tale. Once Rosaleen starts telling her own tales about wolves and men and wolf men, we see she’s developing a different outlook then her Granny, one built not on fear but on sense of her own growing power, one that allows women to match the beast in men.

I hesitate to say I liked “The Company of Wolves”: it deals with uncomfortably personal issues in a dark and eerie way. But I believe it to be a good film, a kind of film that a person sees and then rushes to the Internet to find interpretations of its individual scenes or of its ambivalent ending. Such is the curse of the Internet: with all this free information at our fingertips it’s much easier to google the answers then to try and reach them by ourselves. Which would be a shame here. “The Company of Wolves” set out to tell a allegorical tale using lingering imagery about certain deep fears within us. In this, it succeeded wonderfully.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies – a Review

Warning: this post offers a really, really geeky perspective on the latest “Hobbit” film as well as the entire “Hobbit” film trilogy.

In our last RPG campaign we embarked on a quest to steal the dragon’s hoard. In December of 2012. everyone rolled up a dwarven character except for me – I played a halfling rogue. Over the following two years our party traveled through wilderness and fought goblins, orcs, wolves and giant spiders.

Unfortunately our Game Master was obsessed with this epic RPG campaign he played in more than a decade ago. We didn’t mind when he introduced wizards and warriors from his former party as non-player characters. We didn’t object when it turned out they had their own epic storyline that had almost nothing to do with our story. The thing we did hate was the way GM constantly stressed how awesome all of these characters were – especially GM’s former character, an elven ranger who was obviously powerful enough to defeat the dragon by himself. The only reason we didn’t point that out to GM was that then our party would have been left with nothing to do.

During college we would have finished this adventure in couple of months. But with our jobs and families, the game stretched out for two years. Eventually we reached the dragon’s lair and devised a complex and ingenious plan to kill the great beast. But our dice rolls failed us. GM had to choose between letting the dragon kill our group or fudging the rules for us to win. First option was anticlimactic and the second one unthinkable because our GM is a stickler for game rules. So he sent out the dragon to attack nearby town. Our group was thus saved while our dragon was killed off-screen by some archer guy we met once and barely remembered.

To say that we were disappointed is an understatement.

Next game session GM tried to create some kind of satisfying conclusion to our campaign. He came up with this huge battle of five armies for the dragon’s treasure. Although my halfling thief did had some fun during the game, we spent most of the time talking about movies and stuff while our GM furiously rolled dice and consulted mass-combat rules for his imaginary battle. When King of Dwarves appeared riding a pig and King of Elves rode in on a moose, we decided to step in and end this foolishness once and for all. To our dismay we found ourselves fighting on these really complicated combat terrains – Falling tower! Floating ice! – with so many rules in play that the combat. Took. Forever. By the end of the evening I was ready to destroy my character myself. I didn’t even care that the orc horde might win and flood the international market with mountains of dragon’s gold thus destroying the economies of fantasy kingdoms. But we won and the campaign mercifully ended.

I’m aware that in our GM’s mind, this RPG campaign looked like epic Hollywood blockbuster. Hell, if it were a movie I’d pay good money to see it on the big screen even though the whole story would probably take about nine hours to tell, maybe less if they decided to edit out all those characters and stories that had nothing to do with our group of dwarven thieves. But as RPG campaign, this whole experience was a mixture of frustration, boredom and occasional bouts of fun. We’re planning to start a new campaign this year, but we’re looking for someone else to be our GM.