Things I learned watching the Trip (and the Trip to Italy)

  • Everything can be made better with a Michael Caine impersonation.
  • That said – did you know it’s possible to get into a pissing contest over a Michael Caine impersonation? Men. Sheesh.
  • She was only 16 years old… You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off? That line? I still don’t know which movie it is from.
  • Also? Small man in a box makes everything better.
  • Did you know you are not having sex, but having a summit? Or a congress? Yes, well, there you go.
  • Did you know some old people, not all old people mind, seek aggravation? Anyone who has ever tried to fight them for a seat on the bus/tram/metro can vouch for that. Not that I have. My mum would be displeased. Manners and all.
  • Did you know that between looking like Jeremy Clarkson and Richard Hammond it’s worse to look like Hammond? Also – hm NO (have you seen Clarkson’s pouch lately?)
  • It takes a really confident restaurant to serve something with spew in it.
  • Also conversely – did you know you can be introduced to cheese?
  • Number of thank yous per episode? Round about a million. Same for grazie and grazie mille.
  • I don’t know why this makes me laugh so hard. But it does.

  • Greatest gift for any actor? Sparkling blue eyes.
  • Also conversely – did you know it is possible to be a reasonable villain?
  • I disagree with the statement that anyone over 40 who amuses themselves by doing impressions needs to take a long look in the mirror. Because where would get our funnies otherwise?
  • The correct answer to where do you stand on Michael Bauble would be – on his wind pipe.

Things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses

Dear ladies and gents,

I have mentioned this before, but I grew up on a steady diet of British comedy. If there ever was a comedy that ruled them all it was Only Fools and Horses. If you haven’t watched it, all I can say – you lucky, lucky devil you. And what are you waiting for? It is so funny, you’ll bust your spleen laughing. And even though the first episode ever aired in 1981, all these years later, the show is still relevant.

Down below is the list of things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses. It is by no means a definitive list, so feel free to share your contributions in the comments.

  • he who dares wins. You know, eventually.
  • in case you were wondering – any and all French phrases Del Boy is using? Wrong.
  • did you know that they have moved the bit on the side? Well there you go. And neither did Rodney.
  • rule of thumb before you go to a nightclub – it might look good on the outside, but that’s what the Christians said of the Colosseum.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t smoke astroturf.
  • Del Boy’s and Rodney’s mum said a lot (A LOT) on her deathbed.
  • it is possible to give your arse a headache. Also to sit down and keep your brains warm.
  • Trigger’s dad died a couple of years before he was born. Yes, took me a second too.
  • it is possible to have a black belt in origami. That one took me a second.
  • there is a karaoke version of Mozart’s Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
  • alternatives to the sentence “during the war” – “during the 1939 – 1945 conflict with Germany”
  • Rodney’s trouble is he insists on thinking.
  • it might not be the best idea to sell Trigger a computer. He is still struggling with the light switches.
  • if you might by chance sink a aircraft carrier, make sure to have your excuse ready. Like that the said aircraft carrier was at battle stations and had no lights on. Obvs if the incident happens in broad daylight, you are kinda screwed. So yes, it is possible to miss 42 thousand tons of steel. In broad daylight. Because you aren’t close enough.
  • mark of a good salesman – you can sell a black cat to a witch.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t get the Dukes of Hazzard on a microwave oven.
  • it’s Spanner Ballet and Duram Duram. Well who bloody knew?
  • if you are wanted by the authority and you go on the run, make sure to bring a tin opener with you. Because desperate men on the run do not pop home to borrow the tin opener.
  • how to know if your overcoat is made out of genuine camel hair? It will have a big lump in the back.
  • the only hole Uncle Albert hasn’t fallen in is the black hole of Calcutta.
  • wally, plonker, pranny, git, dipstick – all terms of endearment really.
  • Rodney would never make it as a prostitute. He can’t give it away, let alone flog it.

Quirke

Dear ladies and gents,

I drafted this post ages ago. Then I started watching other stuff and got distracted.

BE AS IT MAY – long overdue but for any of you Gabriel Bryne fans out there, watch Quirke. No, it is not a substitute for In Treatment (God I LOVED that show).

Quirke is based on the books written by Benjamin Black (pseudonym for John Banville) and the titular character is the chief pathologist at Dublin’s City Morgue in the 1950s. It’s part noir crime drama, part Gothic family saga, part just a good meaty thriller.

Again me thinks Gabriel Bryne fans will eat this up with a spoon, he is splendid in Quirke. Plus since it is a mini series each episode is an hour and a half long so more in the vein of Sherlock where each episode is like a movie?

Don’t say I didn’t warn you though – viewers have been complaining about mumbling and sound levels so you might want to get some subtitles with that?

Murphy’s Law of TV watching

 

  • That one show you get super (and I mean SUPER!) excited about will get cancelled (see Veronica Mars).
  • That one show you loathe (and I mean LOATHE!) will stay on the air for gazillion seasons (see Two and a Half Men).
  • You sometimes eat while you watch TV? Proceed with caution. It is not advisable to eat before/during/after some shows as they will put you off your food. Or at least some food stuff (as is the case with Hannibal).
  • Most (if not all) people who do reality television are arseholes. If they weren’t arseholes, they wouldn’t agree to it to begin with.
  • Spoilers, yes? You might avoid all social media in order not to have your favorite show spoiled. BUT… even though you might have taken all (and I mean ALL!) the precautions, the spoiler will hit you from where and when you least expect it. See the Good Wife and THAT episode. And google freaking news *shakes fist*
  • Binge watching is great. Or rather it can be great? Until THAT moment. One more episode. Just one more. And then you are done. And then comes THAT moment when you realize you have just watched x number of episodes in span of 48 hours. And you now have to wait a whole freaking year for the next season. See House of Cards. And Orange is the New Black.
  • Truly awful shows will have at least (AT LEAST) 20 episodes. Truly great shows will have 12-13 episodes tops.
  • That said – it could be worse. Truly great UK shows have 6 episode tops. See the IT crowd. Or Luther. Or Sherlock (3!!!). Or any of the UK crime shows.
  • Trying to adapt UK shows for other markets? It rarely (if ever) works.
  • Put any of the cast members in fuzzy, cozy sweaters and make them speak any of the Nordic languages, and we will eat that sh*t with a spoon. On repeat. It does help that Scandinavian shows rarely (if ever) suck.
  • To save you some time – most sitcoms are utter crap.
  • That said – if the sitcom is not crap, odds are it will get cancelled.
  • TV shows adapted from comic books and/or complicated books that you thought never in a million years would work on television, almost always work. Surprisingly well at that. (See the Walking Dead. Also Game of Thrones).

 

  • If you are a fan of a soap, any soap, no matter how ridiculous the storylines get, you will eat that sh*t up and be all like – oh yeah, it totally figures. Also applicable for Doctor Who for example. Even though it is not a soap.

 

  • You might be at the furthest end of the world. If you switch the TV on at any given moment you are bound to come across an episode of CSI: Miami.