Things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses

Dear ladies and gents,

I have mentioned this before, but I grew up on a steady diet of British comedy. If there ever was a comedy that ruled them all it was Only Fools and Horses. If you haven’t watched it, all I can say – you lucky, lucky devil you. And what are you waiting for? It is so funny, you’ll bust your spleen laughing. And even though the first episode ever aired in 1981, all these years later, the show is still relevant.

Down below is the list of things I learned watching Only Fools and Horses. It is by no means a definitive list, so feel free to share your contributions in the comments.

  • he who dares wins. You know, eventually.
  • in case you were wondering – any and all French phrases Del Boy is using? Wrong.
  • did you know that they have moved the bit on the side? Well there you go. And neither did Rodney.
  • rule of thumb before you go to a nightclub – it might look good on the outside, but that’s what the Christians said of the Colosseum.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t smoke astroturf.
  • Del Boy’s and Rodney’s mum said a lot (A LOT) on her deathbed.
  • it is possible to give your arse a headache. Also to sit down and keep your brains warm.
  • Trigger’s dad died a couple of years before he was born. Yes, took me a second too.
  • it is possible to have a black belt in origami. That one took me a second.
  • there is a karaoke version of Mozart’s Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
  • alternatives to the sentence “during the war” – “during the 1939 – 1945 conflict with Germany”
  • Rodney’s trouble is he insists on thinking.
  • it might not be the best idea to sell Trigger a computer. He is still struggling with the light switches.
  • if you might by chance sink a aircraft carrier, make sure to have your excuse ready. Like that the said aircraft carrier was at battle stations and had no lights on. Obvs if the incident happens in broad daylight, you are kinda screwed. So yes, it is possible to miss 42 thousand tons of steel. In broad daylight. Because you aren’t close enough.
  • mark of a good salesman – you can sell a black cat to a witch.
  • in case you were wondering – no, you can’t get the Dukes of Hazzard on a microwave oven.
  • it’s Spanner Ballet and Duram Duram. Well who bloody knew?
  • if you are wanted by the authority and you go on the run, make sure to bring a tin opener with you. Because desperate men on the run do not pop home to borrow the tin opener.
  • how to know if your overcoat is made out of genuine camel hair? It will have a big lump in the back.
  • the only hole Uncle Albert hasn’t fallen in is the black hole of Calcutta.
  • wally, plonker, pranny, git, dipstick – all terms of endearment really.
  • Rodney would never make it as a prostitute. He can’t give it away, let alone flog it.

Quirke

Dear ladies and gents,

I drafted this post ages ago. Then I started watching other stuff and got distracted.

BE AS IT MAY – long overdue but for any of you Gabriel Bryne fans out there, watch Quirke. No, it is not a substitute for In Treatment (God I LOVED that show).

Quirke is based on the books written by Benjamin Black (pseudonym for John Banville) and the titular character is the chief pathologist at Dublin’s City Morgue in the 1950s. It’s part noir crime drama, part Gothic family saga, part just a good meaty thriller.

Again me thinks Gabriel Bryne fans will eat this up with a spoon, he is splendid in Quirke. Plus since it is a mini series each episode is an hour and a half long so more in the vein of Sherlock where each episode is like a movie?

Don’t say I didn’t warn you though – viewers have been complaining about mumbling and sound levels so you might want to get some subtitles with that?

Murphy’s Law of TV watching

 

  • That one show you get super (and I mean SUPER!) excited about will get cancelled (see Veronica Mars).
  • That one show you loathe (and I mean LOATHE!) will stay on the air for gazillion seasons (see Two and a Half Men).
  • You sometimes eat while you watch TV? Proceed with caution. It is not advisable to eat before/during/after some shows as they will put you off your food. Or at least some food stuff (as is the case with Hannibal).
  • Most (if not all) people who do reality television are arseholes. If they weren’t arseholes, they wouldn’t agree to it to begin with.
  • Spoilers, yes? You might avoid all social media in order not to have your favorite show spoiled. BUT… even though you might have taken all (and I mean ALL!) the precautions, the spoiler will hit you from where and when you least expect it. See the Good Wife and THAT episode. And google freaking news *shakes fist*
  • Binge watching is great. Or rather it can be great? Until THAT moment. One more episode. Just one more. And then you are done. And then comes THAT moment when you realize you have just watched x number of episodes in span of 48 hours. And you now have to wait a whole freaking year for the next season. See House of Cards. And Orange is the New Black.
  • Truly awful shows will have at least (AT LEAST) 20 episodes. Truly great shows will have 12-13 episodes tops.
  • That said – it could be worse. Truly great UK shows have 6 episode tops. See the IT crowd. Or Luther. Or Sherlock (3!!!). Or any of the UK crime shows.
  • Trying to adapt UK shows for other markets? It rarely (if ever) works.
  • Put any of the cast members in fuzzy, cozy sweaters and make them speak any of the Nordic languages, and we will eat that sh*t with a spoon. On repeat. It does help that Scandinavian shows rarely (if ever) suck.
  • To save you some time – most sitcoms are utter crap.
  • That said – if the sitcom is not crap, odds are it will get cancelled.
  • TV shows adapted from comic books and/or complicated books that you thought never in a million years would work on television, almost always work. Surprisingly well at that. (See the Walking Dead. Also Game of Thrones).

 

  • If you are a fan of a soap, any soap, no matter how ridiculous the storylines get, you will eat that sh*t up and be all like – oh yeah, it totally figures. Also applicable for Doctor Who for example. Even though it is not a soap.

 

  • You might be at the furthest end of the world. If you switch the TV on at any given moment you are bound to come across an episode of CSI: Miami.

 

All the UK actors (well some really) and where you might have seen them before.

Dear ladies and gents,

one of the “benefits” of getting older* ? You have to start writing sh*t down, otherwise you might forget it. Which is kinda good since a) I always loved making lists and b) it helps my brain relax because it tones down my fretting about stuff I might forget.

*(aside from not really giving a sh*t what anyone thinks of you. Now that is a REAL benefit)

BUT… my brain has capacity for retaining the most pointless information. I *might* not remember where I’ve left something, but I do remember tons of details about Hatshepsut for example (that comes in handy at dinner parties). Or who scored in the quarter finals of 1998 World Cup. Because you know – that stuff is important. Tsk.

tl; dr

I will see an actor/actress and remember where I saw them. Which brings me to a list of UK actors and where you might have seen them before.

Jonny Lee Miller

Did you know one of Jonny Lee Miller’s first role was that of Daisy’s toyboy on Keeping Up Appearances? (on a side note – I love that show SO MUCH. It never gets old. Or less funny. Do you know that when you start typing Keeping Up Appearances into google Keeping Up With the freaking Kardashians pops up first. For shame, people FOR SHAME).

Anyhow. ANYHOW. Here is Jonny Lee Miller in all of his leather clad glory.

Andrew Lincoln

You might know him as Rick from the Walking Dead. Or that guy off Love Actually. But Andrew Lincoln appeared on Afterlife. Where he played an university professor who worked with a psychic (played by the brilliant Lesley Sharp who in turn you might know off Scott and Bailey). The show only aired two seasons, but it was really good. Super spooky.

Damian Lewis

Long (looong) before he was Brody on Homeland did you know Damian Lewis appeared on two of my mum’s favorites A Touch of Frost and Poirot? Now if he did Midsomer Murders, it would be a crime series hat trick.

Edit – God bless youtube! Just found a clip of 24-year old Damien Lewis. In speedos! You don’t have to thank me. A few seconds later? Damian Lewis. With a kitten. I kid you not.

Jason Isaacs

For many Jason Isaacs might be that guy. Not THAT guy. But that guy. You know you saw him somewhere, but you just cannot place him (unless you religiously watched all the Harry Potter movies. If so, he will forever be Lucius Malfoy). You might have seen him on Rosemary’s Baby. Or Case Histories (which I love). But did you know that he stared in This Is David Lander with Mr. Fry?