Made In Chelsea. Seriously?

Image: Channel 4

Dear ladies and gents,

you know how sometimes you will find yourself awake at odd hours at night. It might be insomnia. Or you have an early flight. Or a bus to catch. Or your cat jumps on your head and wakes you. Or your dog has to pee.

So you switch on the telly for some background noise. Not that there is much choice at those odd hours. Usually infomercials selling odd crap. Do you remember this one? And this, seriously? I don’t even know where to begin with this one.

As I said that is some odd shit.

Be as it may – I found myself surfing the channels at 4-ish something in the morning. And there it was – Made in Chelsea. I’ll preface this by saying I have never seen an episode of The Only Way Is Essex. I am aware that the show exists and I am aware these people are featured in the UK media all.the.time. But I have never seen an episode. And it is my understanding this is like a posher version of the Essex stuff, no?

First of all – how fake is that shit? Is this supposed to be scripted? Or is it supposed to be fly-on-the-wall type of thing? For the life of me I cannot figure it out.

Second – WHO in the world are these people? Quick perusal of Wikipedia labels them as London socialites. They went to good schools but if this is what you do with all that education, well… that sound you cannot hear is me banging my head on the table. Also there is a dude named Proudlock. You can’t make this shit up.

Third – shallow observation for the day – the ladies are pretty, but the lads… Jesus wept. Look, I love me some odd looking. I fancy Cabbagepatch for Christ’s sake, if that’s not down with the odd looking, I don’t know what is. But these boys are not cute. Not even in the odd looking way. And this Spencer dude – a) WTF with the hair and b) in motion he looks like someone stole his puppy. And he looks like that all.the.time.

Fourth (and the most worrying) – there were four seasons (4!!!) of this shit and fifth season has been commissioned!

People – why are you watching this crap? Why?! Is it for the acting? Or whatever in the world that might be? Or is it because it is something to aspire to? Look, I’d love (LOVE) to be able to prance around London on unlimited budget. But realistically – how long would it take for me (or anyone for that matter) to become bored out of my mind? Me thinks a couple of months. And that’s a generous estimate.

I kant with this shit. Really.