Things I learned watching CSI: Miami

  • Dear faithful readers,


    oh I know what you must be thinking – she is mental! She must be! I mean who else would consider CSI: Miami something worth studying at length (apart from wannabe criminals and bad actors)?

    Well… I was ill. I laid there with congested sinuses, mono sound (my ears still haven’t popped), dosed up on paracetamol and no matter which channel I switched on there was CSI. I kid you not. After a while they all blurred into one. So there you have it Judgy McJudgyson.

    • You will hold your gun at an awkward angle whenever needed. You can also try to put your gun next to your ear but I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are Horatio Caine. He must have bionic ear or something because it obviously doesn’t bother him if a gun goes off right next to it.


    • You will always kneel next to the victim.


    • You will also wear sunglasses at times. That will give you an opportunity to take them off/put them on when the mood strikes (which is usually at least 100 times per episode)*


    • When talking to your fellow CSIs/cops/victims/add appropriate you will always stand sideways and take your sunglasses off. Because keeping them on would make you look like a prick. Ahem.



    • If you are a female CSI on your first day of the job you will be issued a pair of magical white pants. They are magical because no matter how grimy or dirty the crime scene the white pants will stay pristine.


    • You will also be issued a magical flashlight. If the perpetrator even insomuch as farted it will be revealed.


    • If you leave behind even the tiniest speck of DNA evidence you are screwed. Because CSI will have you in a matter of hours. Nevermind that DNA testing usually takes days.


    • All crimes get solved in one episode.


    • Well almost all crimes. On a rare occasion Horatio will find a criminal and he will have to let him go (usually on a legal technicality). But you can rest assured he will catch him eventually. So technically all crimes get solved in two episode tops.


    • If you think of committing a crime, don’t bother. You will either a) leave trace evidence (something inconsequential as a speck of dandruff will be enough to get you nabbed) or b) you will pick up trace evidence in the hems of your pants/on your shoes.

    * don’t quote me on that, I haven’t counted. I wasn’t THAT ill.


    January 26th, 2011 | bertas | No Comments |

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