CouchSlobs - A Monument To Human Idleness

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Truth be told I do not know what is up with me and the gore lately but I have seen an extraordinary number of horror flicks over the last few weeks.
And I think I have the horror flick formula pretty much down to a pat.

• Take an obscure horror flick (Japanese most often, but anything foreign will do) and re-make it in English

• Ensure there is plenty of eye candy for the lads, preferably young nubile starlets in their 20s. Because lets face it who wants to see old chicks scream?

• Ensure there is plenty of eye candy for the ladies in the shape of buffed up young lads. Because lets face unless it is Christian Bale being all American Psycho, none wants to see an old guy eaten alive/slashed to bits/tormented by a ghost.

• Location, location, location. Preferably foreign. Make sure your characters do not know a word of the language of the country they are in and there should be only one local who is capable of some sort of Pigeon English.

• Put your character into a situation that looks innocent and harmless enough but turns out to be the WORST imaginable nightmare EVER. It can be anything - playing a tape, going for a day trip or drinking with the locals at the beach. Whatever it is, it is a BAD idea.

• Surgery. Yes surgery. And no I have not started talking about Grey’s Anatomy all of a sudden. Your horror flick should have at least one surgery that is a) deemed necessary b) is done without the aid of anesthetic and with only alcohol to numb the pain and c) is done with the rustiest and nastiest looking implement as possible.

• Bogeyman comes in a variety of species, shapes and forms – pissed off ghosts, sinister flash eating plants and/or local criminals who have decided to fill the gap in the market of human organs.

Stir and mix with some sinister/screeching music (or my favorite no music at all), give it an ambiguous ending (for a possibility of an sequel) and make only one of your characters survive.

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