CouchSlobs - A Monument To Human Idleness

Ties that Bind, I’ll say. I have to admit (quite publicly and with my reputation of a snarky cow at risk) that I can be quite a wimp. I know given the quality of some of the programs that are out there in the ether we should be immune to people making fools of themselves, however I have to admit I sometimes have to close my eyes shut. I simply cannot watch. The same applies to the any given violent scene I deem unwatchable.
And I admit I could not watch Tory unleash her wrath on poor Callie. There is a line in Bridget Jones that I find quite appropriate here and I paraphrase “We are in touch with our inner b*tch we just haven’t unleashed it”. I think Tory is fully embracing and unleashing her inner Cylon bitch. But I digress.

With Ties That Bind behind us and all the latest twists and turns in the plot spread out, it got me thinking. Remember the first ever episode of the first ever season? 33? When Cylons attacked the fleet every 33 minutes and every single human was on the brink of madness and pure exhaustion. Baltar was having his imaginary conversations with Six and he said something along the lines Cylons never get tired they’ll just keep on coming after us again and again and again. A scene of utter desperation and hopelessness if I ever saw one.

With the Cylon war imminent it seems to me the underlying plot of BSG has gone the full circle. Sure Cylons look like humans, talk like humans, even have sex as humans (if you ignore the spine that lights up) but in the end (and all their God-talk aside) they are machines. Aren’t they?
The main reason for their attack on humans was the humans have turned on each other and used and abused their own creations. And now the same Cylons are turning on each other quoting noble reasons and other whatnots. Am I the only one that finds that ironic? And very human-like?
Maybe they have just been around humans for too long and that messed up their hard-drive. Be as it may, I for one am curious to see how all of this will end up.

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Tuesday is my day for weekly reality fix (its Hell’s Kitchen day). As I have already stated I cannot follow more then one reality show at any given time.
That got me thinking and we are talking hypothetical here - is there any reality show you could imagine yourself doing?

In a parallel universe I would love to be able to do Project Runway. As I said parallel universe, because I can sew on a button, stitch and pattern a T-shirt. And my T-shirts are not even cool. They are just wonky. My reasons are shallow I admit, I think Tim Gunn is simply divine.

Another thing I would love to do (although Gordon Ramsay would have to sign contract stating he wouldn’t shout at me – I know that’s why I said parallel universe) is Hell’s Kitchen. But the UK kind. He took 10 people (celebrities given and I’m not that) and taught them how to cook. So they went from knowing nothing to being able to make a perfect risotto and even soufflés. I know how to bake (and cook) but soufflé still eludes me. Although I have to say I’d draw the line at pigeon salad. Why, in heaven’s name why would you want to have a pigeon salad? So for this my reasons are not so shallow, I’d actually learn something.
So what kind of a reality show would be of interest to you, if any?

To help you, I stumbled on this website called Reality Wanted that has casting calls for all manner of reality shows. And I had a good giggle at quite a few of them, I have to admit. Apart from Paris Hilton still having no luck in finding her new BFF (pardon me while I vomit), there are all sorts of funny things.

Castings for mums that will stop at nothing to make their children the next superstar, reality that will make your dream come true (as long as it within the scope of $100.000?!), medical themed pilot where you have to look good and submit your urine sample (I don’t know what that ones is about!) and one that looks for sexy Viking archers (you have to look good but archery is optional, WTF?!). Then there is one about 4 female friends that all go to the same shrink. Hmmm ok this one reeks trouble.
MTV is looking for best high school matchmakers, which can be understood given their target audience I guess. The only thing is you have to at least appear to be 15. For crying out loud!
One is looking for 60-something women to be featured on a Golden Girls type of reality show. Compared to all the rest this even sounds interesting. And fun. You can never get enough of the Golden Girls.

So are you an archer or do you think you could stomach Paris Hilton and be her BFF? Or would you just love to learn to cook from the best?

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