Run For Hills – Reality Shows Coming

I haven’t been the most diligent Couchslob in the past months (I have a new job to nurture), but a really, really terrifying thought just struck me and I felt obliged sharing it with YOU! Those half dozen, or so of you, who have been reading my benighted dribble might have noticed I hate realty shows. In fact I loathe them. They are the lowest form of entertainment you can imagine. Scratch that, (They are the lowest form of entertainment you can imagine.), they are a mental rape. I have more fun watching Dung Beetles roll those balls of turd, than I have watching any reality show. Actually, reality shows are the turd Dung Beetles roll around. I know most of you will not agree, but think about it. They are exploiters of human stupidity and voyeuristic tendencies. And such simple ones at that! Recipe for a reality show is: Take an activity people like to do, like sit around in case of Big Brother, put a pinch of shock value and a dollop of sexual tension and voila you have a reality show. Once you have the concept down, all you’re missing are the contestants. Now this part is easy, because the best kind is the stupid kind, and that kind always comes. When I say stupid, I mean Paris stupid, you know just above mentally challenged line, so they would say a lot of like’s and OMG’s and every once in awhile they would pull a Britney. Actually, more stupidity you can extract from them, the better the show is.

So, how did I come to rant about reality shows? Simple, the longer the writers strike, the longer it will take for new storylines to be developed, As a result producers will start to put together new, in their minds, more exciting reality shows they themselves are able to develop. Since they are only capable of developing alcoholism and drug problems, remainder of the season will look something like this: The Assembled (12 episodes reality show about Jane and her problems with hangnails), followed by The Outgoing (reality show following Travis, 24 y.o. college senior struggling to become fraternity president and crabs at the same time). To conclude, I’m saying it is time we all get involved and start contributing. The first thing YOU need to do is sign the petition and join the cause. Second, if you are able, buy a box of pencils through pencils 2 media moguls program (widget at the top of the page) and third continue reading this blog. OK, the last one will not directly help the writers, but it will help by making us feel appreciated. Couchslobs Unite!

P.S. By the time this post is published all reality show ideas will be copyrighted!

Things I learned from watching Jericho

  • It can get awfully cold in Kansas

  • How to know there has been a nuclear blast? There will be a mushroom cloud and dead birds everywhere
  • Do not get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast, trust me the results are not pretty
  • If you do get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast there is bad news and some even worse news – bad news is you will end up looking like something from the Singing detective and even worse news is you will die
  • If you do get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast, drink plenty of iodine; it tastes vile, however it might help. Well the key words being might help.
  • How to prepare for the aftermath of the nuclear blast? Stock up on water, salt, batteries, petrol and good old fashioned alcohol
  • Alcohol is good for 2 things a) to disinfect wounds and b) to keep you warm
  • Also remember to stock up on pesticides, even though all the birds and livestock will not survive, bugs can survive a nuclear blast
  • There are computers that can survive nuclear blasts, power shortages and EMF and still work (I know I am technically challenged but I did not know it was possible)
  • Sometime the cavalry is not really the cavalry but teachers posing as marines
  • There is no crisis that Skeet Urlich cannot solve
  • You can save your favorite show with plenty of nuts and little bit of persistence
  • If there is anyone who can annoy Les Moonves day in and day out then it’s the Jericho Rangers
  • Series that have a plot that goes something like nuclear blast aftermath and how it affects a small town in Kansas might not sound like much, but do give it a try, I promise you will be hooked