CouchSlobs - A Monument To Human Idleness

• Hola is pronounced ola (although as Amanda would point out there is an H in it)
• Accountants can be damn shpexy (Henry? Hello!)
• Contrary to popular opinion, fashion mags and TV it is ok to eat. Pencil thin is not the norm.
• Normal woman have jeans that do not fit, eat sandwiches , pizza and/or Mexican food instead of salad and prefer flats instead of heels from time to time. Or all the time.
• Regardless what Wilhelmina does it is not advisable to have Botox administered by your assistant.
• Duck fat injected in lieu of a face lift? Bad idea
• There is such a thing as a butt lift, goes to show how little I know about the advancements in plastic surgery (note – start watching Nip and Tuck)
• When men opt for sex change surgery contrary to the popular opinion they do not lop it off and keep it in the jar.
• Pleads with stripes? It can be done, have you seen some of Marc’s outfits?
• Gucci bag has universal appeal
• It is not Secretary’s day but Administrative Professionals day
• It is not a good idea to eat empanadas after midnight
• If there is one cardinal rule we have all learned from Ugly Betty about fashion mags that is who has the Book rules the magazine
• By far my favorite line – Mexicans do not have super heroes, we have a speedy little mouse
• Victoria Beckham cant really act

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A couple of weeks ago I wrote an article in which I described Gossip Girl as useless. In fact I called it “Perez Hilton meets OC and One Tee Hill”. Lets just say that some of you who know me (in the spirit of the show lets call you A.) disagreed with me passionately. In fact in one email I was called unreasonable and unfair (I was glad doody-head wasn’t used). Finally, after reading this article on theTVaddict.com in which Gossip Girl is described as the best new show this season, I decided to give it another chance.

To be totally fair in my assessment, I logged into my iTunes account and downloaded past three episodes. Additionally, I made a decision to watch them in their entirety from beginning to end, without pause or fast-forwarding. I’m proud to say I did it!

So what did I conclude after 3 hours of Gossip Girl? First of all my new TV is brighter than the old one, I need to buy a new couch cause this one is becoming lumpy and turd is always a turd. You can spray it with rose scented perfume, but a turd always stinks! Poor little rich teens and their problems. Why, oh why, are their parents so cruel and why does B. have that dress when G. (or some other letter of the alphabet) doesn’t? How come, that in shows like this, teens are always more mature than their screwed up parents? Maybe it’s all that self-medicating mixed with alcohol that enables them to make all the right decisions? Wait a minute, their parents are druggies as well, so that cant be it. Oh, who cares!

I’m sorry but I do not get this show. It promotes substance abuse, alcoholism, teenage sex and eating disorders. You know it is a sad day when I have to be a moral compass. Just cancel their ass and bring back Veronica Mars! Oh, CW when are you going to learn?

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If everything was alright in La-la land we would be in the midst of November sweeps. Although the writers and the producers are in negotiations again there are only so many episodes left (check out Ausiello’s handy list, you know in case they do not reach a deal and if you are like me worried how many episodes of House you can look forward to). Lets take a look at the season so far.

Pleasantly surprised

Ugly Betty – well I have to say the writers of Ugly Betty have come out on top so far this year. It is still Betty as we know it, a bit corny and bitter sweet, however the pace has picked up and it is sooo much funnier this year don’t you think?

House – I was a bit worried about the whole reality TV experiment. However, not only the writers have managed to pull it off but we have had the first ever case of lupus in 3-something years yay! (as we all know it is never lupus). Hugh Laurie is still brilliant as ever, the new additions do make a great mix, however I have to admit I do miss the original 3.

Unpleasantly surprised

Heroes – Goodness gracious me! I know Tim Kring apologized for the crappiness so far and the pace has picked up of late, but it is still a far cry from the Heroes we have all grown to love over the last year. Hiro with the princess lark, cheerleader with the flying dude and the twins por favor don’t even get me started on the twins, at least in Ugly Betty you know you are watching a piece of telenovela.

Grey’s anatomy – I’m not feeling it at all. Remember how emotionally charged it was in the second season? This is just meh. Ok last week there was finally some gushing blood and disgusting injuries and whatnot, but it is a far cry from the Grey we have grown accustomed to.

On the fence

Supernatural – do not get me wrong I really like the Winchester boys. The whole premise that Sam is the Antichrist himself; well that is an interesting spin. And while the last week episode was a bit too gruesome for my taste (now that’s a first, it does take a fair bit to gross me out but in my defense I am having stomach problems for the past week or so) for some reason I’m not that enthusiastic about Supernatural this year. I was expecting buckets of blood and demons everywhere and all sorts of things. After all they have opened up the gates of hell, am I a bit foolish to think it would be more hm interesting then this?

Reaper – it has potential to be a really good show, but all the episodes I have seen so far, well they are all the same aren’t they? Or have I perhaps missed something?

So what is your opinion, the good and the bad this season?

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Dear faithful readers happy Stephen Fry Appreciation Monday!

Things I have learned watching Jeeves and Wooster

• Jeeves can solve any conundrum

• Butler is incorrect term, the correct term is valet or my favorite - a gentleman’s
  gentleman

• Spitty, Spotty, Stiffy and Stinky are not actual names

• The aforementioned nicknames usually belong to members of aristocracy

• Courting rituals of 21st century – no rules apply although a minimum of agreement should exist between the 2 parties in the affair of engagement and/or marriage

• Courting rituals of 1930s – female would simply inform the unsuspecting male that
  they will in fact marry

• You can train children to say anything if you have plenty of toffee

• Behind any Spitty, Spotty, Stiffy and Stinky there is an uncle or aunt that gives
  her/him the allowance

• Tunes from the 1930s had lovely melodies, but quite frankly dimwitted lyrics

• Finknottle, Cheesewright and Fittleworth do not connote defamatory nicknames nor it means someone is taking a piss, these are actual surnames

• Stars are not stars, but God’s daisy chains

• Once upon a time to rent a flat in Manhattan would set you back only 500$

• Inappropriate attire and/or grooming habits according to Jeeves: white navy mess jackets with gold buttons (favorite attire for waiters of hotel establishments in south of France); Tirol hats, white gangster hats; PJs at lunchtime and/or any type of facial hair

• All potential and wanna-be dictators have a penchant for female lingerie

• What ho and tiddle pip can be used as greetings

• Stephen Fry looks splendid in drag

• Hugh Laurie can actually sing (sorry Mr. Fry!)

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After four hours of sleep I will finally be transferring our blog to a new host. If I ever get any similar idea please kill me instantly. Blog is not perfect but over next couple of days I’ll fine tune it. Goodbye Blogger, you’ve been good to us. Thank you Larry and Sergey.

Hello Wordpress!

One more thing before I post this and find another problem nobody has ever heard of before, all of you follow our mental diarrhea through rrs feed, please update to a new feed. Please.

Oh, I almost forgot,

HAPPY STEPHAN FRY APPRECIATION MONDAY!

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I haven’t been the most diligent Couchslob in the past months (I have a new job to nurture), but a really, really terrifying thought just struck me and I felt obliged sharing it with YOU! Those half dozen, or so of you, who have been reading my benighted dribble might have noticed I hate realty shows. In fact I loathe them. They are the lowest form of entertainment you can imagine. Scratch that, (They are the lowest form of entertainment you can imagine.), they are a mental rape. I have more fun watching Dung Beetles roll those balls of turd, than I have watching any reality show. Actually, reality shows are the turd Dung Beetles roll around. I know most of you will not agree, but think about it. They are exploiters of human stupidity and voyeuristic tendencies. And such simple ones at that! Recipe for a reality show is: Take an activity people like to do, like sit around in case of Big Brother, put a pinch of shock value and a dollop of sexual tension and voila you have a reality show. Once you have the concept down, all you’re missing are the contestants. Now this part is easy, because the best kind is the stupid kind, and that kind always comes. When I say stupid, I mean Paris stupid, you know just above mentally challenged line, so they would say a lot of like’s and OMG’s and every once in awhile they would pull a Britney. Actually, more stupidity you can extract from them, the better the show is.

So, how did I come to rant about reality shows? Simple, the longer the writers strike, the longer it will take for new storylines to be developed, As a result producers will start to put together new, in their minds, more exciting reality shows they themselves are able to develop. Since they are only capable of developing alcoholism and drug problems, remainder of the season will look something like this: The Assembled (12 episodes reality show about Jane and her problems with hangnails), followed by The Outgoing (reality show following Travis, 24 y.o. college senior struggling to become fraternity president and crabs at the same time). To conclude, I’m saying it is time we all get involved and start contributing. The first thing YOU need to do is sign the petition and join the cause. Second, if you are able, buy a box of pencils through pencils 2 media moguls program (widget at the top of the page) and third continue reading this blog. OK, the last one will not directly help the writers, but it will help by making us feel appreciated. Couchslobs Unite!

P.S. By the time this post is published all reality show ideas will be copyrighted!

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• It can get awfully cold in Kansas

• How to know there has been a nuclear blast? There will be a mushroom cloud and dead birds everywhere

• Do not get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast, trust me the results are not pretty

• If you do get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast there is bad news and some even worse news – bad news is you will end up looking like something from the Singing detective and even worse news is you will die

• If you do get caught in the rain after a nuclear blast, drink plenty of iodine; it tastes vile, however it might help. Well the key words being might help.

• How to prepare for the aftermath of the nuclear blast? Stock up on water, salt, batteries, petrol and good old fashioned alcohol

• Alcohol is good for 2 things a) to disinfect wounds and b) to keep you warm

• Also remember to stock up on pesticides, even though all the birds and livestock will not survive, bugs can survive a nuclear blast

• There are computers that can survive nuclear blasts, power shortages and EMF and still work (I know I am technically challenged but I did not know it was possible)

• Sometime the cavalry is not really the cavalry but teachers posing as marines

• There is no crisis that Skeet Urlich cannot solve

• You can save your favorite show with plenty of nuts and little bit of persistence

• If there is anyone who can annoy Les Moonves day in and day out then it’s the Jericho Rangers

• Series that have a plot that goes something like nuclear blast aftermath and how it affects a small town in Kansas might not sound like much, but do give it a try, I promise you will be hooked

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I do apologize my faithful readers, I simply could not write a coherent post tonight, as there is a big football game on (soccer for all of you Americans), so I’m writing this while biting my nails and shouting like a mad woman… it is qualifying game for Euro 2008… well nevermind… here are some things you might find interesting while I get back at shouting profanities.

Oprah’s list of favorite things… goodness gracious me, I’d kill for those eco-cleaning products and bath stuff… but my mum would kill for that fridge

Here is an article about our lovely Mr. Fry winning an Emmy for his documentary – congratulations again

Spoilers from the king of scoop Ausiello

And some more from Kristin at Eonline

Check out news and spoilers from the Battlestar Galactica convention at the Roadrunnerdm

David Chase says no to a Sopranos movie

Here is a great list how to survive the writers strike

Be still my heart, Hasselhoff in talks to reprise his role as Knight Rider

Review on the latest film based on Stephen King’s book “Mist”, it has a spoiler, I didnt read till the end

Poniewozik’s review of BSG Razor, can you believe I have not seen it yet saving it for the weekend

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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – well of course this list would not be complete without Indy (am I the only one who thinks this title seems like bit of a mouthful?)

Of course I cant wait to see the latest Indy, who doesn’t? Indy was one of those characters that I loved when I was growing up so that should tell you something about Harrison Ford’s age. However I’m sure he will be as flexible as ever. I cannot find more adequate words then simply Its Indy and its got to be good.

I Am Legend – well now this movie is altogether a different prospect. The entire humanity has been killed by a virus of some sort and Will Smith is the only man alive. If that is not enough of a scary prospect it seems there are some type of dark creatures/flesh eating zombies that are coming after him. It is a 3^rd movie based on the book by the same name and I have to say I’m intrigued as to how Will Smith will pull it off.

Brave One – Jodie Foster plays a woman whose fiancé gets mugged and killed while she is beaten by the inch of her life. She goes ape shit basically and turns vigilante killing any criminal that crosses her path. It seems like an extreme role for Foster, but if anyone could pull it off then its her.

American Gangster – ah well Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe cannot make a bad movie. Well hopefully. And from what I have read so far the reviews are good. Denzel Washington plays a drug dealer that is shipping drugs from Far East in the coffins of dead US soldiers and Russell Crowe is the cop on his ass. Based on a true story and another conformation life makes much stranger fiction then any book possibly could, I think I’m going to enjoy my popcorn with this one.

Vantage Point – this one will not be released until February next year, however I was a bit intrigued by the storyline and the cast. It is a movie about an attempted assassination of a president told from 5 different perspectives. And the cast, well Dennis Quaid, John Hurt, Matthew Fox and Forest Whittaker should add up for some interesting viewing.

Stardust – I don’t go much for fantasy I have to admit, but Stardust has Ricky Gervais, how can I resist it? And I almost forgot it also has DeNiro and Michelle Pfeiffer and Peter O’Toole. I do not plan to become a fantasy freak anytime soon, but I will check out this one.

Run Fatboy Run – I always had great fondness for British movies, both big ones and small ones. This one stars Simon Pegg as a guy who ditches his pregnant fiancé at the altar (played by Thandie Newton, I know like anyone would ever leave her) and 5 years down the road he realizes she is his one true love. A bit of romance, some good old British comedy and postcards from my favorite spots in London, of course I had to put it on the list.

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