CouchSlobs - A Monument To Human Idleness

• House is always right

• All patients lie

• You can have a heart attack in your leg.

• It is not a drug problem, it is pain management problem.

• One illness you most definitely do not have is lupus.

• It is not an illness but a mystery.

• You are in hospital not to recover but to entertain the doctor.

• If you have an MRI chances are you are most likely to have a seizure/bleed from any given orifice/hear voices/pass out.

• Your brain can be on fire.

• You heart will stop at least once while in hospital.

• You will have at least one lumbar puncture while in hospital.

• You will have at least one biopsy while in hospital.

• Your eye can explode.

• If doubtful about diagnosis, start treatment anyway and watch what happens.

• Prolonged use of Vicodin will mess up your bladder.

• Doctors often do not scrub in.

• Do not stuff a thermometer in people’s bottoms because a) you might forget it and b) the person with a thermometer up his arse might be a cop

• Doctors only know other doctors.

• Doctors only shag other doctors.

• Do not stick knives in electrical sockets.

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