CouchSlobs - A Monument To Human Idleness

“Life Was His Sentence, Life is What He Got Back!” with this sentence authors described NBC’s new crime drama Life. The show follows police detective Charlie Crews, played by British actor Damian Lewis, who was wrongfully convicted to life sentence for triple homicide, spent twelve years in jail before he was exonerated. During his stay in prison he turns to Zen teachings to keep his sanity (?). This Zen practice took so good that he doesn’t even mind when his friend/business manager/ex-convict runs his new Bentley over with a tractor; and as a special bonus Zen practice allows him to talk to dogs and probably other farm animals. Not really sure about the farm animals, but we’ll see, I hope he does. OK, enough sarcasm, even with all the Zen aspects, this is actually a quite good show; as far as I can tell from watching only one episode. The performances are really good, Damian Lewis is excellent portraying convict/policemen, and his partner Dani Reese played by Sarah Shahi, to me an unknown actress, is believable as detective/drug addict. The cast is strengthened by Adam Arkin who portrays Ted Early, Crews’ business manager/white-collar ex-convict. Before I write another slash and turn poor people who read this blog off this show, I’ll finish this post. Just watch it; it has potential as long as they don’t take the Zen aspect of the show too far.

NOTE TO SELF: Remember the time of the simple storylines like:

Here’s the story of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.
All of them had hair of gold, like their mother,
The youngest one in curls.

Here’s the store, of a man named Brady,
Who was busy with three boys of his own,
They were four men, living all together,
Yet they were all alone.

Till the one day when the lady met this fellow
And they knew it was much more than a hunch,
That this group would somehow form a family.
That’s the way we all became the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch,

That’s the way we all became the Brady Bunch.
The Brady Bunch.

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I have checked my local bookies do not take bets on Emmys.

Tsss shame on them!

But I will pick my favorites regardless and we can compare on Monday how many of my hunches were spot on and how many were just bad indigestion.

Outstanding comedy series:

Entourage

The Office

30 Rock

2 and a Half men

Ugly Betty

I loved the British version of The Office (Ricky Gervais is in a league of his own, you cannot top a Brit). And even though I’d like for Ugly Betty to win, I don’t think this will be the category - it was funny but not THAT funny. My money would be on 2 and a Half Men. Don’t look at me I don’t understand it either!

Outstanding drama series:

Grey’s anatomy

Heroes

House

Boston Legal

Sopranos

This has got to be the trickiest of categories, although I do feel Heroes will win flat-out. I mean everybody loves Heroes. Grey’s was meh this year. People are still talking about the ending of Sopranos or should I say the lack of an ending. House was second only to American idol, which is a mean feat and as far as Boston Legal goes well they have Captain Kirk hello! As I said tricky. But my money is on Heroes.

Outstanding actor in a comedy series:

Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock

Ricky Gervais in Extras

Steve Carrell in The Office

Tony Shalhoub in Monk

Charlie Sheen in 2 and a Half men

I’m going with Ricky Gervais, I mean if we are speaking of quality comedy you can’t top him.

Outstanding actress in a comedy series

America Ferrera in Ugly Betty

Tina Frey in 30 Rock

Felicity Huffman in Desperate Housewives

Julia Louis Dreyfus in The New Adventures of Old Christine

Mary Louis Parker in Weeds

Each of these actresses and each of these series appeals to a different type of audience. However I have a hunch it might be Ugly Betty, sorry America Ferrera.

Outstanding actor in a drama series

James Gandolfini in Sopranos

Kiefer Sutherland in 24

Hugh Laurie in House

Denis Leary in Rescue Me

James Spader in Boston Legal

My money in on Hugh Laurie. I’m well aware I am biased, however this has got to be the toughest category. 24 lost its appeal, Rescue Me is brilliant, but somehow I think they will give it Gandolfini, Sopranos is an institution in its own. But as I said I’m biased so Hugh Laurie it is.

Outstanding actress in a drama series

Patricia Arquette in Medium

Minnie Driver in The Riches

Edie Falco in Sopranos

Sally Field in Brothers and Sisters

Mariska Hargitay in Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Kyra Sedgwick in Closer

Even though these are all great actresses as there are no more Sopranos I think this one will go to Edie Falco.

So there you go. Now we only have to wait till tomorrow.

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I was watching TV yesterday, as usual, and I came to a startling discovery. I’ve noticed that a new psychological disorder has been spreading among leading men. As far as I can tell it has been affecting only male characters but unless something is done soon, I’m afraid this debilitating condition could spread and even mutate to affect leading ladies as well. The disorder I’m talking about is Oral Fixation. It has affected three leading men as far as I can tell, but I believe that this is a beginning of more serious epidemic.

So what to hell is Oral Fixation you might ask? (Warning educational part of this blog post begins!) Oral Fixation manifests itself in adults who were not held enough or given enough stimulation as children. In laymen’s terms, their mommy’s didn’t hold them enough. Disorder was first describes by world’s most famous sex addict and druggy Sigmund Freud. (Admit it you thought I was going to say Paris Hilton). Oral Fixation manifests itself by constant eating, biting nails, licking lips, drinking, or making out; and can often be accompanied by Nasal Fixation which is manifested by sticking coins up one’s nose, or drinking through the nasal cavities. If you doubt Mr. Freud’s expertise when it comes to these disorders, just take into consideration ever-present cigar in his mouth and all that cocaine he snorted up his nose. (This concludes today’s educational part of this blog post)

Who are the affected leading men? As far as I can tell Patient Zero is Rusty Ryan played by Brad Pitt in Ocean’s 11. His constant eating of various food items like ice cream, lollypops and baked goods continued in further sequels of the trilogy. Second leading man affected by this debilitating disorder I noticed in Michael Weston, Burn Notice’s lovable ex-spy. His obsession with yoghurt, to which he turns to when going gets tough, I can only suspect is one of the reasons he was burned from secret service. Final and most recent case of Oral Fixation among leading men spread to Charlie Crews in NBC’s new crime drama Life. This policeman wrongly convicted of triple homicide, exonerated and returned to the police force, has obsession with fruit. This final case confirms my suspicion that this is the beginning of a full blown epidemic! If the TV authorities do not act soon, it is likely it will spread to other leading men. Can you imagine Denny Crane not being able to say “Danny Crane” because of cigar and whiskey obsession? Or maybe if Dr. Gregory House starts popping so many Vicodin pills that he becomes addicted to them? OMG, someone call CDC!

NOTE TO PARIS HILTON FANS: OK, OK, all you Paris Hilton fans she can be world’s most famous sex addict and druggy! God!

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I am still very bitter about CW network cancellation of Veronica Mars. And even though I do feel their fall line-up is a bunch of crappola, I do like me my Supernatural. The whole vibe of a road trip, the dinky motels and well the Winchester boys are exceptionally easy on the eye as well, not to mention their one-liners can be giggle - inducing sometimes. Oh and demon-kicking-ass thing is highly entertaining as well.

The Winchester boys went through quite a lot in the last 2 episodes of season 2. Sam died and then came back again thanks to Dean who made a deal a demon. Deal is Dean gets one more year to live and then it’s off to pits of hell. Although maybe they could get House on the case, I’m sure he would come up with some completely insane diagnosis or plainly badger the demon until he would just give up. But I digress.

So in the season 2 finale a whole bunch of demons got released from you have guessed it pits of hell, so instead of Dean farting about on a beach with a cocktail (I mean he does have a year to live) they have work to do. Tssss typically.

The news that got fans in a titz is that 2 new female characters will be joining the Winchester boys. Bela (played by Lauren Cohen) is a mercenary while Ruby (Katie Cassidy) is a bit of a deranged demon hunter. Should be interesting, although I don’t know what was wrong with bringing Alona Tal as a regular.

Supernatural season 3 premiere on October 4^th on CW

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O la la, season 7 of CSI (you know the Las Vegas one) ended with a mother of all cliffhangers. Even though the identity of Miniature killer has been revealed, Sara Sidle’s location is still unknown. The only thing they do know she is stuck under a car in a desert somewhere. Her location should be revealed however what will become of her is still unknown as Jorja Fox is under contract negotiations with CBS. But from what I have gathered all will be resolved in the first episode of season 8. Hmmmm I wonder will it be better then those “Grave Danger” episodes directed by Quentin Tarantino. Marg Helgenberger contract is also up next May so only time will tell who is going and who is staying.

There will be an episode in November that is going to be a combination of CSI and Without a Trace (nothing new for CSI gang as these crossover episodes have happened before).

A bit of news that got me in a titz concerns CSI Miami (maybe one day I will write a short post about the best Horatio scene I ever saw, I mean it left me on the floor in a fit of giggles).

So yes, CSI Miami news is that (drum roll) there might a mini Horatio. Oh yes, Horatio Caine will apprehend a suspect who might turn out to be his son he didn’t even know he had.

I wonder if he will wear sunglasses and stand sideways as well? I mean I do not have a degree in genetics but that should be a dead giveaway.

CSI season 8 premieres on Sept 27^th and CSI Miami premieres on Sept 24^th on CBS.

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I have to admit I only watch Prison break sporadically. I’m sorry I just could not get over the fact they have made their escape in season 1 with a mini van that broke down and had to make their escape on foot, WTF?! However, as many of my male friends go on and on how good it is, this is mostly for them.

The good news is Michael managed to prove his brother is innocent. The bad news now Michael is stuck in Panamanian prison called Sona. Pointless to say Chicago prison they have been incarcerated in was a luxury hotel compared to Sona, not to mention the inmates are the ones running the show here. Could there be anyone more gross then that T-bag guy? We shall see.

What is even worse news? It means Michael’s tattoos mean diddly-squat now.

How they are going to get out of this one is a mystery to me, however I do hope their minivan does not break down… again!

Prison break season 3 premieres on Sept. 17^th on Fox.

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WTF!!!!!

Now this is an image that will tattoo itself on my corneas. I have been looking at this picture and I have been trying to come up with some plausible explanation, however I am falling short.

I could understand a Superman costume or perhaps a gladiator skirt, but this Heroes in Letherhosen? Could someone please help this blond understand?

On the other hand, this could be fantastic promotional shot for Heroes.

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I have been catching up with House season 3 over the last few days. It coincided with reruns of Black Adder and Mr. Laurie managed to extract a few giggles out of this snarky cow (really if you have not seen Black Adder, do) and that’s a mean feat. Then yesterday I saw a picture and an article from months ago in Daily mail and our dear Mr. Laurie looked so utterly sad and miserable it melted a bit of ice in my snarky heart.

Now I don’t know if its true what they say in the article, how he is depressed and missing his family what with his schedule and 12-hours-a-day filming, but he does look like he needs a bit of cheering up and a hug. And since I cannot do that all they way here from Europe, if anyone in California sees Mr. Laurie out and about, hug him for me will you?

Do give him an advanced warning though, he is a Brit - in general they are not into public displays of affection.

And for the record, I am of an opinion his American accent is perfectly fine. Ok that’s enough mush for one day.

Source: Daily Mail

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1. Crow The Wicked Prayer (aka Crow 4)

I have caught this movie on telly by chance. I realized it was the Crow series when I saw Edward Furlong in full make-up. Well he was either playing the Crow or very bad version of Joker from Batman. I could not keep track of what was going on, but I was mesmerized by the way Furlong slouched. Yes, slouched. To this day I do not know in aid of what that was, but no wonder I could not keep up with the plot.

2. Double Team

Now I know this will subject me to scorn, however I saw this movie in the cinema. I have actually paid for a ticket to see this rubbish! In my defense, even though there is no reasonable defense, I thought Dennis Rodman was absolutely charming at that time. What is the movie about? Suffice to say it had Jean Claude Van Damme - Dennis Rodman – Mickey Rourke combo. Now that had written flop all over it even before the movie was released.

3. anything with Steven Segal

Before I hear from any of you Segal enthusiasts yes I am aware he does ALL the stuns himself. It has been pointed out to me before. However that does not excuse his bad acting. He should be a stuntman then, not qualify himself as an actor.

4. Battlefield Earth

What in the world possessed John Travolta to make this movie, I don’t know. No scratch that. What in the world’s name possessed all these other actors to star in this one that is the question. Although I am a bit surprised Tom Cruise did not at least get a cameo role. Sci-Fi at its worst.

5. Lawnmowerman series

The silliest movie ever. And not in a good way. Virtual reality my arse. Just plain bad, bad, bad.

6. Swept Away

How can it even be possible that a man who made “Snatch” and “Lock, Stock and 2 smoking barrels” agreed to put his name on this movie? Madonna can be Guy Ritchie’s missus 3 times over, but there are no excuses for anything like this mind-numbingly boring drivel. And as experience has shown Madonna should stick to singing.

7. Showgirls

From what I have gathered, this movie has a cult following. Why? Because Gina Gershon and Elizabeth Berkley take their clothes off? You can see that in any strip club. And as for acting I thought Elizabeth Berkley had a severe case of PMS, but then I realized it was supposed to be dramatic acting. Tssss!

8. Gigli

Has anyone seen this movie ever? If Jennifer Lopez/Ben Affleck, the most popular combo of that time, did not manage to attract a few people to the cinema, can you imagine how bad it really is?

9. People I know

I am aware Al Pacino is in this movie and up until this point I thought Al Pacino could not possibly be in a bad movie. Boy was I wrong. I was distracted by 2 things, a) Al Pacino’s dirty fingernails throughout the movie (absolutely horrid) and b) I kept waiting for something substantial to happen. When something did happen and I exclaimed “Finally!” the closing credits started to roll. Maybe I am completely obtuse or it is Heidegger-deep, however to this day I do not know what this particular movie was about.

10. Miss Congeniality 2

I love comedies. Love them. But this is not a comedy. This is hour and half of pure torture and hour and a half I of my life I will never get back. The only good thing is I got this on DVD, if I went to a cinema I would demand a refund. As I am not confrontational person by nature, you can get a glimpse of how bad it is.

So this is my list. If anyone has seen anything equally horrible or even worse, feel free to add your “favorites”.

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To be quite honest, I thought season 3 of Grey’s anatomy dragged on and on. Sure there were some high points (3 episodes story arch was quite intriguing, resurrection of Denny and did-Meredith-die was beautifully done) but then there was the Izzie-George thing that did not sit well with me at all. But then again that’s just me.
What will happen now? Well as we know Addison left Seattle Grace for Private Practice (I think that’s how the show is called) and Burke is not coming back either. But his momma will be making a repeat visit. Also Meredith’s half sister (Chyler Leigh) is becoming a regular. Now that should be interesting if you remember she had the audacity to chat up McDreamy, the cheek of her. As for George he will have a lot on his plate with failing his exams, also I am pretty sure Izzie-George thing is not going away anytime soon. I am not getting too excited, but hmmm I do wonder who are they planning to pair up with Cristina? I mean its Grey’s anatomy after all.

Grey’s anatomy season 4 premiere on Sept.27^th on ABC.

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