Private Practice – Public Disappointment

This will not be long. And simply because Private Practice, in the format presented yesterday evening, simply doesn’t deserve my time. I just have one question: What’s happening with Shonda Rhimes? After excellent first and second season of Gray’s Anatomy everything went to hell and now it coming back. I was really excited about this show, but I have to say it is absolutely disappointing. It wasn’t even that bad that I would want to see it again. Truly, truly disappointing!

The show is so bad I can’t even properly describe what it’s about. Six people divided into three groups repeating three sentences for fourthly some minutes. Oh, apparently I can describe it. It is like some obscure Ibsen drama performed by non-entity’s in Twilight Zone. Bad Shonda! Bad! Bad!

NOTE TO SELF: Oh, forget it, there’s nothing funny I can write here. If you want to laugh find a picture of Britney or Paris showing their cooch!


Boston Legal – Shakes The Tail Father

As I wrote in my previous article, I was seriously afraid of the influence new charters will have on Boston Legal, but boy o girl (politically correct as always) was I wrong. Season premiere, broadcast last night, was one of the top 10 episodes ever. As all dozen or so of you know, I mock everything and everyone, but when it comes to this episode I’m speechless. No, seriously, I’m speechless. The comedy was in right places, the same with drama; acting was above average, but that’s what I would expect from the cast; and above all the celebration of life, for which I’m sticking with this show, was there in abundance. In essence this show asks all of us: “Is it fun being you?” Well, is it?

If the answer is no, get a friend and create your own balcony moment. (For those that haven’t watched Boston Legal, at the end of every episode two main characters take five minutes or so and celebrate their lives.) By all means make your life fun. Apparently cross-dressing helps.

Get a pink Hello Kitty dress! Preferably something to show of our great legs. You can pull it off!


Discover the secrets of the NINJAS

It was during recent discussion that I realized the lack of knowledge in general public regarding the Ninjas. Although they’ve been popular for decades, people actually don’t know much about Ninjas. So I decided to educate the readers about several lesser-known Ninja mysteries. By doing this I endanger my very existence, but that just shows how dedicated I am.

Ninjas of the World, Unite!

It is a popular belief that Ninjas originate from Japan. Actually, Ninjas work and play in Hong Kong (“Ninja Terminator”), the Phillipines (“American ninja”, Enter the ninja”), China (“Ninja Dragon”), West Coast (“Ninjas, Condors 13”) and just about everywhere else except Japan. Wimpiness of Japanese Ninjas became a well-known fact when, in the movie “Last Samurai Was in Fact an American Scientologist”, Tom Cruise managed to defeat over a dozen ninjas after studying samurai sword fighting for 15 minutes.

Most of the Ninjas are Asian, but it is a well-known fact that all of the best Ninjas are actually Caucasians. Who doesn’t remember such paragons of perfection as Franco Nero or Richard Harrison, or even that phony, Michael Dudikoff? Rare exceptions from this rule are Sho Kosugi, star of “Nine Deaths of a Ninja” and Alexandar Lou from “Ninjas, Condors 13”.

Ninja Sounds

People say that Ninjas are awfully silent, but in reality, they produce even more sounds than common people. When jumping and flying, their clothes sounds like a helicopter propeller (which just might explain Ninjas’ ability to fly) while some people claim that even Ninja face expressions have sounds of their own, no matter do they smile (“Heh!”), drink wine (“GULP! GULP!”) or think (“Hmh!”, “Grumble!”, “Uh?”, “Huh!”, “Mnh.” “Eh?” – Ninjas are deeply philosophical beings).

Ninja kinetics

It’s easy to underestimate Ninjas when you see him running in tiny steps with his palm carefully positioned in front of his chest. Many have made the same mistake and died. This way of movement hides other, far more potent modes of traveling: ninjas can also burrow under the ground, teleport and turn invisible at will.

Tools of the Ninja Trade

Ninjas’ main weapon is what the simpletons call “the sword”. Correct expression is, of course, “Ninja Sword”. Ninjas also often use Ninja Stars. But this only begins to describe Ninjas’ arsenal. Always the masters of adaptation, Ninjas also use Ninja Slingshots, Ninja Revolvers, Ninja Machine-Guns and special Ninja Grenades whose effects on Ninja-looking mannequins are frightening.

Ninjas: color-coded for your conveniance

Another common folly regarding the Ninjas is that they dress in black to hide better. This is ridiculous as Ninjas like nothing more than to dress in all colors of the rainbow. But, aside of being a fashion statement, these colors also carry important messages.

White Ninjas – as you can see, good Ninjas enjoy dressing in white. Yes, there is a Ninja on this picture! Look again! Remember that Ninjas are masters of deception! It might take you a while, but don’t give up!

Colorful Ninjas – usually evil. They all might wear same colors or not – their color coordination is irrelevant: The playground from the picture might look like a fun park, but if you stumble upon it while strolling the park, pray Heavens to send you a White Ninja.

Colorful Ninja – now, this is a tricky category. Is he good? Is he evil? Moral conundrums abound!The safest way to learn the truth would be for you to wait and see will the Colorful Ninja kill you or not.

Finally, all the Ninjas have magical ability of rapid clothes change. The change is achieved by secretion of the magical Ninja smoke which Ninjas – always shy creatures – use to rapidly change into full battle dress.

Lesser known Ninja fashion trend is wearing elegant tin foil ornaments. Instead of ugly face masks, this style promotes bandanas that proudly state Ninja’s occupation. For some strange reason, this style never became popular.


Battle of TV Giants: LA Ink vs. Miami Ink

I’m not a big fan of reality TV. I am actually fascinated by people who religiously follow Big Brother or similar shows. I was never really interested in watching dozen or so people talking crap for three months; and it especially irritates me when people in question are dumber that those rats in Meerkat Manor. Turd, Turd, Turd.

Although, I avoid reality shows, like Britney Spears avoids rehab, I found some substance in these tattooing shows. While Miami Ink has been on TLC’s schedule for some time now, Kat Von D’s LA Ink is a recent addition to reality TV craze. To be completely honest, you know I have a problem expressing my opinion; last season of Miami Ink was a disappointment. I have a feeling that guys in Miami got in a sort of a runt from which they can’t get out. They abandoned their proven concept of art and customers stories first, than our lives; for the one that concentrates totally on them and their personal problems, rather than tattooing which has become something of a distraction in their daily lives. I have a feeling that the show is more and more concentrating on owner’s bar than tattoo parlor. The show should be called Miami Drink, not Miami Ink.

On the other hand Kat von D has taken good old concept and made it better by bringing on board great artists, hot woman and celebrities. Actually she has made a spinoff more interesting than the original show. Artists are spectacular as they should be (nobody wants to see bad tattoos) and visiting celebrities are a nice touch. Oh, and have I mentioned there are hot women in the show.

So, in this Battle of TV Giants I have to declare the winners: Gals and Guy at LA Ink.

NOTE TO SELF: Get a big ass tattoo. Ladies like it, at least LA ladies do!