Vera

Dear ladies and gents,

this here is Vera.

vera

Image via ITV.com

DCI Vera Stanhope to be precise. She is a detective with the Northumberland & City Police. Vera is produced by ITV and premiered back in 2011. It based on the series of books written by Ann Cleeves (who also wrote Shetland).

Now I’ve been binge watching Vera for the past few weeks (I finished with Daredevil and needed to binge watch something, okay?) There are many reasons to like Vera.

It’s a solid crime drama, the series is shot beautifully, the characters are complex and interesting and then there is the fabulous Brenda Blethyn (if you haven’t seen Secrets and Lies or Little Voice go, do it immediately! I mean, come on!)

I know it is a series about crime and murder and whathaveyou, but it’s a total comfort watch for me.

But what I like the best (THE BEST!) about it?

Vera above is not between 25 and 35 (although if you know anything about anything a lot (A LOT) of actresses and actors regularly shave off a few years so even those that claim they are perpetually 25 are not really).

Vera doesn’t have TV hair.

Vera is great at her f**king job.

Vera can be a pain in the arse.

Vera doesn’t suffer fools gladly.

I tried to think when was the last time I saw ANYTHING on US TV that had an older main female character? Harry’s Law. With Kathy Bates. And that got cancelled because it “skewed older”. They cancelled a show with OSCAR WINNER Kathy Bates because it skewed older. Harry’s Law btw pulled between 7 and 11 million people per episode.

really

Because everyone over the age of 35 belongs to an old people’s home really. Women especially.

remick-head-explosion-o

So watch Vera. I promise you’ll like it. And God bless UK TV because Vera there? Has been renewed for another season.

The Night Manager

Dear ladies and gents,

have you seen the Night Manager? You should. It’s really really good.

Based on the novel written by John le CarrĂ© the Night Manager is produced by BBC and AMC. It is about a former soldier Jonathan Pine (played by Hiddles). Jonathan gets recruited by an intelligence officer Angela Burr (played brilliantly by Olivia Coleman) to infiltrate the inner circle of one Richard Onslow Roper (played by Hugh Laurie). Now this Roper character is icky. Kinda creepy and sh*t. Angela calls him “the worst man in the world”. Don’t know that I would necessarily agree with that sentiment. Make no mistake, he IS bad, but honestly? There are politicians that are far worse. *cough*

At any rate – Jonathan goes deep undercover in order to gain Roper’s trust all the while trying to avoid alerting the intelligence community as to what he is doing. Because obvs Roper has the intelligence guys in his back pocket (goes to prove my point there are far worse people than some creepy arms dealer. Politicians namely. It’s the hypocrisy and the corruption that makes me shout obscenities at the tv on regular basis).

So tl; dr – the Night Manager is a snazzy looking crime thriller.

Hiddles is great (can I just say how refreshing it is to see him be all doom and gloom and sh*t and not farting rainbows for a change?)*, Olivia Coleman is absolutely superb and Hugh Laurie is obvs solid as ever. The pacing is a bit slow, but that’s AMC for you. Overall definitely worth the watch.

Which brings me to a single thing that has been bugging me. I’ll preface this to say I can be a shallow cow. Nothing to be proud of, but we’ve been hanging out for a while so I might as well be honest with you.

Please look at the image below:

Image via AMC

What the ever loving… lemme try again… what in the world… no. WHY are those pants?

They are giving me the vapors. And not in the good way. You’d think “the worst man in the world” would be able to shop at better places than Marks and Spencer’s clearance rack. Although I suspect even the kindliest M&S sales assistant would take one look at those pants and be all like

And before you tell me off for being a shallow bish just look at that abomination and tell me you don’t think those pants are ugly. Hugh Laurie is a fine looking gentleman and even he can’t make them work. These are not the pants of an arms dealer. These are pants of an eccentric old person who hikes them up all.the.time. Or that guy off Gogglebox. So yes, just… f*ck no.

*That said – if you need cheering up, watch this. This will never not make me laugh.

So? The X Files?

Ok I’ll be upfront with you – I loved The X Files growing up. LOVED it. Couldn’t get enough of it. Ate that sh*t up.

And that was back in the day when we didn’t even understand what the term spoiler meant. *sigh*

Loved it. It was gross, it was funny, it was unexpected, it was good television.

tl; dr The X Files was my jam.

Now we all know by now that all these TV reboots (or whatever they are called) rarely if ever work. I mean do you remember Dynasty reboot? Do you? I do. It was sh*t.

OH YES I WENT THERE. I managed to include the X Files and Dynasty in the same blog post *cackling like a demented banshee*

So when I sat down to watch the first episode despite my apprehension I can’t lie – I got a bit of a thrill when I saw the opening credits (again I’m easily amused).

ANYWAY – for the love of everything holy can someone explain to me what this X Files reboot/miniseries/whatever is suppose to be about?

Because I don’t understand. Anything I’ve read was – oh just you wait for episode 3. And I did. And I still don’t understand. Is it supposed to be a parody? And then you have some sad bits and strange bits and bits about the baby and then no one mentions the baby again. Is it an inside joke? I DON’T UNDERSTAND.

As it stands now in my book the first and the last episode were the best. There was some actual talk about the aliens. Something actually happened. The rest of the stuff? Not so much (even though I will admit I did laugh at Mulder tripping his balls off).

So I’m kind of disappointed and a bit sad and I still don’t understand.

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Deadpool

Dear ladies and gents,

Deadpool is glorious. Glorious!

It’s been a long while since I saw such a delightful movie. So vulgar, so gross, so violent. And so unapologetic about it. I swear as a fisherman’s wife and I absolutely relished every single curse (needless to say I am easily amused). I mean – when was the last time you watched a superhero movie that had curses in it? Quite imaginative ones at that.

There were body parts flying all over the place, people getting shot in the ass, all sorts of grossery (I’m aware it’s not even a word) and it worked. It bleeding well worked.

Another thing worth noting – for a movie that apparently had a super low budget (it is referenced often in the movie), it doesn’t look like it at all? It looks as slick as any superhero movie I’ve seen (and I’ve seen plenty).

And I have to say Ryan Reynolds = Deadpool. Simple as. To do comedy and to do it well, now that takes skill. I never had any particular affection for any of the Marvel’s superhero. I mean Iron Man was cool. In the beginning. Now it’s all about Jessica Jones and Deadpool.

Also?

Any movie that uses this song within the first 5 minutes gets a big thumbs up

If you haven’t seen Deadpool because you are all like

Go. Go now. And if you hate it, as always, you are free to come here and call me a silly cow.

I’m including the trailer because a) I like it so much and b) it actually lives up to the expectation, you know what I mean?